NAVY NEWS, AUGUST 2009 25
This is the Portland wayPortland way
More and more ships are turning into Secondly, they’ll tell you that they’ve been Brussels sprouts) will be pleased to know that
S
fortresses, barbed wire being a cheap and in harm’s way. it’s almost popular aboard Portland (unlike her
very effective deterrent – for now. “There’s defi nitely been a change in Devonport companion Bulwark) with upwards
x
“The pirates are adapting,” says Cdr Henry. mentality on this deployment, more like the of 10kg munched each week (Gasp – Ed).
p
“They are attacking at night, for example. feeling of going into a combat zone, going Perhaps Dave’s Insanity Sauce (a picture
r
“But what’s really surprising is how up against armed combatants,” Lt Attwood of a chilli sunning itself on the label and the
successful they are. A pirate attack is very points out. warning ‘Hotness level: insane’ gives you an
simple – half a dozen guys, clambering up the Cdr Henry adds: “We are up against people idea of just how potent it is), one of a clutch
side of a ship, then taking it by force. They who are armed. It is dangerous work – not as of very spicy sauces popular aboard Portland
make it seem very easy.” dangerous as Afghanistan, but these pirates (others include Beware and the dubiously-
ate
The monsoon season should keep the have weapons and they have demonstrated in named Ass Reaper – it will make you kiss
ed
dhows and skiffs in port until the middle of the past they are willing to use them.” your backside goodbye…) will mollify the
this month, which means their crews are Many deployments end with a feeling of vegetable’s foul taste.
ess
biding their time on Somali shores. the unquantifi able, with a feeling that a ship’s Oddly, sprouts are not top of the Portland
are
The town of Eyl is a modern-day Port
visited place X, exercised with navy Y, but menu – that’s reserved for pizza and steak
ffs
Royal, but it’s by no means the only base for
that aside there’s not necessarily a feeling of (not at the same time, unless possibly for the
t’s
brigandage.
having made a difference.
marines).
There are pirate camps scattered along the
“Nothing is more important to the UK
Man cannot live by pizza and steak alone,
00
coast (see page 10 for Somerset’s intelligence-
than security of the seas,” Cdr Henry says
however, both for fi nancial and dietary
gathering work). They don’t look too different
emphatically.
reasons. And so chef LLogs Keitch and his
ck
from fi shing settlements – there are fuel drums
“We are dealing with the ability of gas to
eight shipmates in the galley have had to
ate
on the sands, the boats are similar (although
leave Qatar and sail to Milford Haven, or
work wonders feeding 200-plus sailors and
ng
they are equipped with ladders, grappling
a transporter to bring goods from China.
green berets for around £550 a day.
hooks and twin outboard engines), and the
These are the arteries of our nation – if they
With the frigate averaging four-week
he
inhabitants dress like fi shermen. “It’s pretty
are choked, the UK would fi nd things very
patrols, it’s taken four times longer than usual
a
conclusive though when they’re walking up
diffi cult.”
to load fresh food aboard each time Portland
ays
the beach with RPGs and AK47s,” says Lt
Destroy a few tonnes of drugs, toss
has entered port… and upwards of three to
Attwood.
weapons into the ocean, release a handful of
four days to store everything in the right place
he SIX months east of Suez has left Portland
fi shermen, blow up a pirate skiff, and there’s a
aboard.
y, if with a much better understanding of its foe.
very tangible impact on security of the seas.
“This has been one of the busiest
air Pirates are criminals, they are not fanatics.
“When you see the RPGs, guns or drugs
deployments I’ve ever known – we have
wo They are in it for the money, not for a cause. going over the sides, you know that you’ve
worked some hours,” said the 22-year-old
“Pirates are seen as Robin Hood-type
taken them out of action. It was good watching
from Redruth.
is characters,” Cdr Henry explains. “The story of the pirate boat blow up – that was us doing
Not featuring on his menu was 35-day-old
em Somalia is a terrible one and in Somali minds, something,” said PO ‘Spud’ Twycross, a
fi sh found rotting in the hold of a dhow; the
as the pirates are up against big international Seawolf tracker maintainer.
smell was gut-wrenching.
conglomerates. Lt Patton adds: “There are people all over
But not as gut-wrenching, perhaps, as
ter “Many Somalis are convinced that the ship in the thick of it, from the volunteers
offi cers’ new light green cummerbund…
international fi shermen have stolen their for the boarding teams to those who launch
or rather lime green cummerbund – “They
● CPO Dave Hill and Lt Steve Patton oversee Portland’s Seawolf drills
stocks and even that foreign fi rms have the boats, those manning the boats, the
obviously misheard the order,” one of the
in the ops room
ez,
he polluted their waters.” galley providing food and water, the aircrew,
wardroom helpfully points out.
at, Armchair admirals and vociferous hang- the stokers keeping the ship going.
Luckily there’s a rather fl ash reverse side
’em-high pundits have been critical of the RN “So it’s good that the whole ship’s company
– a skull and cross swords (not bones) with
letting some pirates go, but unless there is see what they’ve achieved. When the captain
the exhortation ‘Get pirated!’ despite the
clear and present evidence of an act of piracy, tells the sailors ‘so many million pounds
Commanding Offi cer protesting that ‘to pirate’
release is the only option. of drugs’ have been dumped, it’s great for
“is not a proper verb” (He has a point – Ed).
Depriving the workmen of their tools does morale.”
So we’ve dealt with Zoo, chilli sauce and
strike a blow, however. “From what we For chef LLogs Russell Keitch it’s these
cummerbunds, but what of Jim Davidson and
know a lot of the pirates rent their vessels actions which have lifted an otherwise very
a Miss Bikini World contest?
and their weapons,” Lt Attwood says. demanding deployment.
The two are not connected (surprisingly).
“If you destroy them, they do face “Wherever you go on deployment, it’s
The comic dropped in on Portland in
diffi culties.” pretty much the same for the guys in the
Dubai (where he lives and the warship was
Speak to anyone in Portland and galley. When you pop up on deck, you always
undergoing her mid-deployment overhaul).
a few things stand out. Firstly, see the blue stuff.
And the bikini-clad lovelies? Well, their
they’ll tell you they’re the best “But this time around there’s also been the
competition was being staged just fi ve
ship’s company in the RN successes with the take downs. When we’re
minutes’ walk from Portland’s berth in Malta.
(“There’s the Royal Navy out there we scare them – piracy attacks
The lads somehow found their way there.
way, then there’s the defi nitely reduce.”
What are the chances of that happening…?
Portland way...”). Lovers of the devil’s vegetable (aka pictures: la(phot) alex cave, frpu east
● Practice makes perfect... (Above) the ship’s 815 NAS Lynx fl ight
conduct high-line transfers in preparation for boarding operations
while (below) Portland’s boarding party moves through the ship during
a training exercise
024-025_NN_August.indd 2 22/7/09 15:50:51
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