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THE REDESIGN


When our inner space is a reflection of some shame-filled battleground or blame-filled silence, it’s time to redesign that space. Once we’ve befriended—and loosened—our innermost doubt, we can consciously let our Hearts be the architects of our inner lives.


Parents: the deliberate design of our inner space is how we teach our children to thrive.


Partners: the deliberate design of our inner space is how we teach our partners how to be with us.


Children: the deliberate design of our inner space is how we teach our parents who we’re becoming.


In my own “redesign,” I longed to find respect for the circum- stances of my childhood, rather than continuing the cycle of blame, so I could be better at communicating when I’m gripped by doubt. The Handel Method taught me how to identify both my assumptions about family relationships and my blindly adopted practices of parenting and being in relationships. Observing and transforming my doubt-based behavior before it manifests as my words or my deeds is now my favorite and most profound alchemy.


Best example: I had two clear choices in my immediate family life. I could be a proper teammate to my son’s Daddy, or continue to give voice to my doubt regarding my own capacity to be remarkable—as a co-parent or as a Mama. What’s so funny and crazy is that the


doubt was actually a perfectly narcissistic way to avoid being amazing—turns out my doubt was really just a super-sad, extremely unproductive attention grab (I doubt myself, so have pity on me, and then I can languish in pity rather than figuring out how I can really be great in my life).


Upon seeing the countless wasteful interactions to which my doubt gave rise, my mission evolved: I had to lead us into true friendship, along with my boyfriend and his son’s Mama as well. As I shift the way I view myself and my potential in this world, I’m able to hold space for all of us—together—to design our own set of conscious, evolving rules for our parenting. And together we are all holding space for the most nourishingly communicative family I’ve ever witnessed.


And no, we’re not perfect. We stumble, we misunderstand, we mess up. To keep our Hearts at the helm requires observation, discipline, patience, remembrance and LOVE. By sheer Grace one of us always manages to live from our Heart, and hold space for the others’ success. Imagine.


Elena Brower


www.ArtofAttention.com Photo: Ross Partidge


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