This page contains a Flash digital edition of a book.

the bottom shelves of mom-and-pop video stores back in the ’80s. I’m still as entertained by a few earnest gore gags and tasteless jokes as I was when I was a lad. I don’t know if this is a subconscious reaction


to aging, or an indication that I’m comfortable with my inner child, or simply easily amused, or just hopelessly immature. What I do know is that a pair of no-budget efforts written and directed by young ’un Eamon Hardiman and recently released by In- dependent Entertainment left a stupid grin smeared across my grumpy ol’ mug. Porkchop II: Rise of the Rind (2011) is a retitling

of Porkchops, a sequel to a film I’d never heard of previously. It opens with a completely gratuitous lesbian sex scene that is refreshingly not an ado- lescent girl-on-girl fantasy. But it ends much too quickly when a brute wear- ing only a pig’s head mask (yep, this is Porkchop), denim coveralls and work boots mashes one girl’s face into her lover’s crotch until she suffocates. Then he graphically guts the other with a posthole dig- ger. Simon (Sam Qualiana) is

a disaffected teen moving from the city to the country with his cash-strapped parents (Stephen Hensley and Lisa Taylor). After being kicked out of the car on a dirt road near their destination by his angry father, Simon meets and quickly falls in love with the free-spirited Meg (Angela Pritchett). Meg seems to genuinely like Simon, but is more

excited by the local legend of Porkchop, whose former home Simon’s parents just bought. Simon does not adjust well to his new high school, but the popular kids still crash a party at his house when his parents return to the city. After all, every


’m well past the halfway mark of my ex- pected lifespan, yet I’ve never lost my fondness for the sort of low-budget, shot- on-video horror fare I used to rent from

Porkchop II: Rise of the Rind

slasher needs fodder. At only 70 minutes, Porkchops never outstays its

welcome. The leads are especially engaging, but the entire cast delivers delightfully quirky perform- ances, and the final twist is fun. Technical short- comings, such as shaky establishing shots of the moon, only add to the charm. Even the uneven gore effects, which include a too-brief scene of a bong being rammed through a skull and an awkward time- lapse sequence of a head being crushed into a tree, work in the film’s favour. Porkchops was shot dig-

itally and looks far better than a film that only cost a thousand bucks to make should. Extras include a commentary track, a 53-

minute featurette on the production, and eight trail- ers for other Independent Entertainment films. The second half of our double bill is Zombie Ba-

bies (2011), which is likely the first splatter comedy ever made about abortion! Three young couples go to Burt Fleming’s (Brian Gunnoes) Hotel and Casino for an annual Abortathon and a weekend of fun and frolic. Before Burt and his manservant Teddy (Rob Cobb) can fully wield their coat hangers, though, the still in which Burt brews his life-extending

moonshine explodes all over the pile of aborted fetuses in the basement. Hilariously green- screened imitations of Full Moon puppets conse- quently begin killing off the guests, including a particularly disgusting gag death in which a man drowns in baby feces!

The cast features several

actors from the previous film who deliver similarly satisfying performances, but the sheer depravity of the humour is amped to a degree probably only toler- able by the most debauched of audiences. Aside from the aforementioned baby shit death, there’s an umbilical cord beheading, and a dis- embodied baby penis ejac- ulating in a poor girl’s face. Apart from unconvincing

greenscreen work, production values are stepped up here. Again, the movie was shot on digital and looks as good as a flick like this can. Extras in- clude a commentary track, a sixteen-minute be- hind-the-scenes featurette, and seven of the same trailers as on Porkchop II. I snickered shamelessly through these two

flicks, while deep down inside, a small voice won- dered if I would ever outgrow this stuff. So far, the answer is “no.”

Page 1  |  Page 2  |  Page 3  |  Page 4  |  Page 5  |  Page 6  |  Page 7  |  Page 8  |  Page 9  |  Page 10  |  Page 11  |  Page 12  |  Page 13  |  Page 14  |  Page 15  |  Page 16  |  Page 17  |  Page 18  |  Page 19  |  Page 20  |  Page 21  |  Page 22  |  Page 23  |  Page 24  |  Page 25  |  Page 26  |  Page 27  |  Page 28  |  Page 29  |  Page 30  |  Page 31  |  Page 32  |  Page 33  |  Page 34  |  Page 35  |  Page 36  |  Page 37  |  Page 38  |  Page 39  |  Page 40  |  Page 41  |  Page 42  |  Page 43  |  Page 44  |  Page 45  |  Page 46  |  Page 47  |  Page 48  |  Page 49  |  Page 50  |  Page 51  |  Page 52  |  Page 53  |  Page 54  |  Page 55  |  Page 56  |  Page 57  |  Page 58  |  Page 59  |  Page 60  |  Page 61  |  Page 62  |  Page 63  |  Page 64
Produced with Yudu -