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f I were a bettin’ man, I would’ve bet a bun- dle of money that most reality shows never would have been a hit. After losin’ that bet I

would have taken a 2nd mortgage on my house and bet that they never would have lasted this long. Yet shows like Naked and Afraid, Hoard- ers, Storage Wars, Deadliest Catch, Pawn Stars, and Axe Men continue to gain in popularity. I guess there’s a reason why I’m not a poker player or a producer. To me, Hoarders was conceived to de-

velop other reality shows. Let me explain. Each week we get to see people livin’ amongst junk that most of us would’ve thrown away. These people treasure their belongin’s and don’t want to part with anything. However, what you prob- ably didn’t know is that when families step in to help and clear out the “valuables,” guess where all the unwanted treasures end up? It all goes into a storage locker, hence the concept of Storage Wars was born.

So, now we have a band of gypsies that

travel from one end of the state to the other, biddin’ on this junk that’s now in a storage locker. And where do these gypsies take their storage locker goodies? Some of it ends up in Quartzite, a quaint spot in the middle of the Ne- vada desert where atomic bombs were tested in the early 50’s. Some of you know the area. But the rest of the scraps are sold to the “Pawn Stars.” I think of this process as part of the “Circle of Life.” And I’m almost certain this is where, “What goes around, comes around” got its start.

I also figured out the show Naked and

Afraid. The people on this bizarre show, that walk around on deserted islands in tattered loin cloths, eatin’ lizards and bugs, were ex-contes- tants on Dancin’ With The Stars. However, be- cause these people had so little talent and their dancin’ costumes were mediocre at best, the producers of the show suggested they not wear clothes and audition for a show called . . . that’s right, Naked and Afraid. However, the show that has me stumped

is Keepin’ Up With The Kardashians. I’ve laid awake at night, tossin’ and turnin’, tryin’ to fig- ure why this show is still on the air. It needs to be pulled from the airways. In order to do this I’ve concluded that I’ll have to run for President of the United States. What, you have doubts about my priorities?

32 • August 2016

THE GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN Between 18 and 22 a wom-

an is like Africa. Half discov- ered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful. Between 23 and 30 a wom-

an is like Europe. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value. Between 31 and 35 a woman is like

Spain. Very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40 a woman is like

Greece. Gently agin’ but still a warm and desir- able place to visit. Between 41 and 50 a woman is like Great Britain, with a glorious and all con- querin’ past.

For those that know Bret Davis, his last shift was March 26, 2016. Bret decided, hesi- tantly, that 34’s years of service was enough. He’s was assigned to FS 15-C. Also, if you didn’t know, FS 15 was rebuilt and now re- sides at 3000 S. Hoover Ave. It’s a very nice station and looks exactly like one of the dor- mitory buildin’s on the USC campus. Anyway, congratulations Bret. It was a pleasure workin’ with you and I know you’ll have a long and enjoyable retirement.


As President, on my first official day

in office, I would make a call, probably from Air Force One, to the producers of that show and order the Kardashians to become perma- nent contestants on Naked and Afraid. I bettin’ the show’s ratin’s would skyrocket and heck, I might even watch a few episodes myself.


Between 51 and 60 a woman is like

Israel. She has been through wars and doesn’t make the same mistakes twice. She takes care of business.

Between 61 and 70 a woman is like Canada. Self-preservin’, but open to meetin’ new people. After 70 she becomes Tibet. Wildly

beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wis- dom of the ages. An adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.

THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN Between 1 and 80 a man is like North Korea. Ruled by a pair of nuts.


LAFD Retiree Makes Good in NorCal


n June 18, 2016, the Junction City, CA community gathered to honor and thank Robert “Bob” Winkler for his 34 years of service with the Junction City Fire Protection District. Winkler, upon retiring from the LAFD

after a 26-year career, relocated with his wife Jean to Junction City. While the groundwork for the Junction City Fire Protection District had already begun, Winkler was tapped by other community members to assist. Not one to be deterred by hard work,

Bob put to use all of his skills, and with several like-minded community members, set about making the FPD a reality. The original charter for the JCFPD was signed in 1983. In 34 years of service, Winkler served

as the fire chief and president of the JCFPD Board of Directors. During his tenure the dis- trict grew from just an idea to a main fire sta- tion, two smaller fire houses and the acquisition of equipment necessary to fight fires and train the volunteer firefighters.

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