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II: HER WORDS • Poetry


Shut it off


It’s all okay The sun is out But hidden behind generous clouds On a lazy day Soon to be replaced by lazy stars


Then all at once The world collapses The clouds turn mean And the sun retreats To mourn the ashes of kin A touch is in order Some simple relief From the gripping reality As the world dims But there’s a head on those shoulders So give it all you’ve got Then shut it off


Move quickly And hold tight to false hope


________ It Hurts


I can’t even journal correctly— Can’t even put pen to paper for long enough to process why I close the door with a tear every night. I can’t even begin to talk to the most important person in my life because I’m not their most important person. I’m too drunk and numb all the time


to even process what that feels like— to even comprehend how much that hurts.


And, boy, does it hurt. It hurts like a fireball to the chest at every goodbye— like a hot, burning welt on the insides— like a pizza fresh from the oven hitting the roof of my mouth— like a paper cut, it hurts.


________


But I endure rather than thrive. I disguise pain as tired eyes— sorrow as fucked up meds. Maybe tomorrow I’ll crawl out of bed and fix it. If I can even get out of bed.


Cling to the smallest of rocks in the stone Just make sure you don’t look down Because letting go Is much harder than pretending


Shut it off There’s much more pain that love can bring Than just a body in a box So shut it off


And then it’s almost okay The sun is out But hidden behind generous clouds On a lazy day Soon to be replaced by lazy stars Shut it off It’s not that hard


89


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