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What to Do When You've Found Your Son's Dildo

Finding out that your son has a sex toy may not be something that you look forward to, but it sometimes happens. Are you thinking that you need to ground him for it? Here are other options that may be better for both of you in the long run:

• Casually mention that you found a dildo. You have to start a conversation despite how uneasy it might make both of you feel. After all, talking about something that bothers you is more effective than pretending it doesn’t exist. Confirm whether it’s indeed his or if it belongs to someone else in your house – accusing him of owning it if he doesn’t will only strain your relationship. When he does admit that it’s his, be proud of his honesty so he’ll be encouraged to become truthful with you with regards to sex.

• Be curious instead of condemning. It’s easy for imaginations to run wild when something as unusual as a dildo shows up in your son’s room. If your son acknowledges that the dildo is really his, don’t be afraid to know more about it. You may ask where he got it – this will tell you a lot about where he can get other things that you may not approve of. Also, ask whether it’s for his own use or if he tries it with others.

• If he uses it for personal masturbation, try not to shame him for it because sexual gratification is a natural human desire. You may have your own religious beliefs about it; if so, discuss them with your son and hear his thoughts about it. At this point, your son may be embarrassed already – make it easier for both of you by treating it matter-of-factly and by getting to the important issue of sexual responsibility.

• You might find out that he’s a homosexual and he’s using the dildo as a fulfillment of his sexual longings. If so, you might have strong opinions about it, but try to remember that as a parent, it is your responsibility to take care of your son no matter what his sexual orientation may be. Some parents have resorted to harming their child because he turned out to be gay; physically hurting your son in the hopes of “correcting” him will not work since homosexuality is a biochemical issue instead of a willful choice. If at this point you are still not willing to accept him as he is, give yourself time to cope with your son’s reality.

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