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“You can smell the LAGs ban from your window seat”


Each fumbling attempt was reminiscent of trying to get toothpaste back into the tube and I don’t even care about toothpaste as I can buy it anywhere

hen you reach a certain age (unless someone close has access to unlimited funds) you notice that your family start

to scrape the bottom of the barrel when it comes to Christmas present ideas. Top of Insider’s useless present pile

from Yule just past is a frequent flyer’s travel kit. It is basically a collection of very small bottles and phials into which the user is supposed to deposit all those highly dangerous liquids and gels you cannot take onto the red eye to Timbuktu anymore. The receptacles are cleverly stored in a clear plastic container that you, as a passenger of peace, show to the scanner jockey at the terminus. By the second week of the holidays

I was sufficiently bored from all that enclosed family festive fun to go upstairs and attempt to pack my state-security- approved LAGs kit with some essential items from my bathroom cabinet. Top of the list was hair gel and

aftershave, shaving foam for sensitive skin and various other manly products that keep me looking almost two months younger than the date written on my birth certificate. All I can say is: what a mess. Each fumbling attempt was reminiscent of trying to get toothpaste back into the tube and I don’t even care about toothpaste because I can buy that at any airside airport shop on the globe. But the Gentleman’s Old Trumper Aftershave,

and various other expensive and difficult to obtain toiletries ended up all over my hands, the floor and various other places. Little or none of it found its way into the clever little pots that meet the approval of airport security. So I am back to square one.

42 / AF / January 2014

In the 1960s and 1970s I had a well traveled uncle who flew around the globe carrying little more than his BOAC man bag . In it were two clean shirts, socks and underwear and a crocodile skin toilet bag packed with an Ostrich hair shaving brush and a range of high end lotions from Fortnum and Masons. He was always the most dapper and fresh smelling passenger to descend the aircraft steps. So there is another thing we can deposit at the door of international terrorism. The death of the well groomed male flyer (of a certain age).

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