Book Review
From Brad and Amy’s book, “Boys play to win and care about rules, and girls play to include everyone and care about taking turns.” Frankly just knowing this can be a huge eye opener in how to build better relationships.
I had to laugh when I read about Amy being ‘done.’ She says, ‘Even though Brad is a guy, he knew that at moments like this the goal should not be to solve the problem. As uncomfortable as it was, he let the silence sit in the air.’
Boy, how many times have I had this conversation with my male friends? We shake our heads at our own stupidity of not realising that our wives are often looking for emotional support and acknowledgment – not a solution for their problems. That quote was SO spot on.
On Happiness I
also really enjoyed their discussion about happiness, a theme that I revert back to often. One quote I really liked from their book was; ‘Creating habits of kindness and automatically linking cues about your partner with actions that show your affection, respect, and love can go a long way toward building long-term relationship satisfaction.’ So true.
Images Above: Brad Feld and Amy Batchelor
I’m not going to say I’m perfect [I’m not] but one thing that I’ve always tried to do with Tania is to make sure I do little actions to remind her that she’s important to me. Often it will be something like booking her a trip to a spa with a girlfriend and pre-arranging with the other husband to watch the kids. Or bringing home flowers…just because. I hate buying flowers on Valentine’s Day because it’s expected and therefore less special. I think it matters more when there are no expectations.
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Sometimes, I’ll even call a couple she’s wanted to see and arrange for them to meet us as a surprise. I think it’s the small things that matter and I’ve often said it’s the little note in the birthday card that matters more than the money spent on a gift. And I always prefer getting something that took thought (a framed picture, a playlist of songs) than something expensive.
On Honesty
There’s a wonderful chapter on honesty and respect. It gets into the sticky areas of how much honesty is the right amount with people. Words, once said, can never be taken back and form the basis of how we see each other and how we feel about ourselves.
They had the perfect words to
describe the different
approaches, ‘Kind honesty vs. brutal honesty.’ Again, so true. When I debate with my partners at work I prefer brutal honesty and with our personalities it works. Brad acknowledged the same about his partnership at Foundry Group.
But personal relationships and especially spousal relationships are not always like that. ‘Kind honesty’ will always stick with me. One of the things my wife tells me that she appreciates most about me is that I never hold a grudge. Really. My mom instilled this in me as a kid.
From ‘Start Up Life’ - ‘[don’t]
hold a grudge or stay mad long after [an argument]. Several happiness studies indicate that deep-seated resentments and grudges are some of the most corrosive emotions in a relationship.’
I believe it.
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