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Christmas Cake Recipe Ingredients


2 Cups of Flour 1 Stick of Butter 1Cup of Water 1tsp of Baking Powder 1 Cup of Sugar 1tsp of Salt 1 cup of Brown Sugar Lemon Juice Nuts 4 Eggs 1 Bottle of Brandy 2 Cups of Dried Fruit


Sample the Brandy to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Brandy again. To be sure it is of the highest quality, poor one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the eletric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of Sugar. Beat again. At this point it`s best to make sure the Brandy is still OK. Try anouther cup....just in case. Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 Eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried friut. Pick the frigging fruit up off the floor. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the Brandy to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Check the Brandy. Now shift the Lemon jiuce and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don`t forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window. Finish off the Brandy and wipe the counter with the cat.


Bingle jells !! Bob & Vic


Bob and Vic are passionate Rotarians. They go to meetings together, reminisce about annual conferences together and on chilly winter evenings they sit in the pub remembering great fund raising events. They decide that whoever dies first will try to come back and tell the other if there is a Rotary club in heaven. One summer night, Bob passes away in his sleep after a humorous fun-filled meeting. A few nights later Vic wakes up, certain that he can hear Bob calling to him from the other side. “Is that you Bob?” he asks. “Yes, Vic, it’s me,” says Bob. “This is unbelievable!” exclaims Vic. “So, Bob, is it true? Is there a Rotary club in heaven?” “Well,” says Bob. “I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that yes, there is Rotary in heaven.” “That’s great!” says Vic. “What could possibly be the bad news?” “You’re offering next week’s vote of thanks.


Mike Bell


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