Techniques: Working with Parts
ed “team member” has been trying to work towards – safety, peace, connec- tion, joy etc. If these new awarenesses are not popping up automatically, you could gently prompt them with phrases such as “Even though this part of me has been keeping me safe [include whichever positive intention or purpose you have identified here] through drink- ing [overeating, procrastinating, being ill etc], I am curious whether there may be any other ways to achieve that?”.
Try not to give the client direct advice but gently elicit ideas from him or her – you can ask, for example, for the Crea- tive Part to come forward (and all of us have a Creative Part!), get the client to describe what it looks like, tap on the description just to acknowledge its presence – and ask it to come up with some possible alternative solutions. Please note that whichever solutions are offered, it is important to check out with the “dysfunctional” Part whether these are acceptable to it – remember that all our Parts are terrified of being unwanted, of literally losing their job! What we are trying to achieve is NOT to “sack” the Part that has been causing trouble - if you do try to get rid of it, it will certainly fight back and is most likely to win - as the Part holding the strongest emotion is the most powerful in one the system. What we CAN do is to give it a new job description.
Often, it may not be sufficient just to acknowledge the internal Part that is responsible for the unwanted be- haviour, and we need to summon the perfectionist, critical Part (lets call it Part B), who is in direct conflict with Part A whom we have met at the start. I ask questions on the lines of “And is there a Part in there that gives Part A a bit of a hard time?” “Is there a Part that is critical of, or does not like Part A?”. Inevitably, the client will recognise this Part – in fact it has probably already popped its head up repeatedly during the session – you would have noticed the client say- ing disparaging or critical things about Part A – often in an indignant, angry manner, with disdain and exasperation in the voice.
Again, I would ask the client ques- tions about Part B, and then tap on the client’s description of it, to acknowledge its presence as well as its purpose and the positive inten- tion.
I will sometimes ask the client to draw the two conflicting Parts – and any other Parts who may be present! - on a piece of paper (it doesn’t matter if the drawing is very basic and child-like) – this makes it easier to examine the relationship between the two, though you can also explore this in client’s imagina- tion if they are reluctant to draw. I ask questions such as “How far away are they from each other?” “Are they looking at each other or away?” “What are their facial expressions?” “Are they hearing each other?” “What do they feel about each other?” “What do they want from each other?”
Whichever answer I get, we tap on it. It is important to use client’s words as accurately as possible, without distorting them and with- out trying to force any shifts in the imagery – these will happen all on their own with tapping. If the client has done a drawing, I may ask them from time to time to make any al- teration or additions to the drawing that seem relevant or significant.
You are likely to find that whilst at first the two parts may have been positioned in two far corners of the paper (or client’s visual field) and were scowling at each other, through tapping they may gradually move closer and seemingly begin to open up to one other. Their appear- ance, age, clothing may begin to transform. Feelings of love, com- passion, warmth (and often tears!) begin to arise, sometimes very slowly and cautiously, sometimes in a big gush.
It is not uncommon for the client to spontaneously make a symbolic gesture of holding, hugging or otherwise accepting the previously
rejected and despised part of them- selves. It is important to note here that there are some techniques in NLP and other therapeutic modalities where the therapist encourages the client to “integrate” the conflicting parts, or to “bring in” the rejected part of them- selves – however in my opinion this must be done with extreme caution, because if the client is not yet ready for this profound process (perhaps due to the unresolved emotional in- tensity or lack of trust in the therapist or in the approach itself) the attempt to force it could further enhance the split and intensify the conflict. Far saf- er, in my experience, to gently tap on whatever arises, and allow the process of integration to take place naturally and organically, at client’s own pace).
The details of these transformations are utterly unique to each individual – and the length of time that true integration may take can vary from minutes to days, weeks or months - so it is crucially important for the therapist not to hold a pre-conceived idea of how and when these changes should take place. The therapist’s role is simply to acknowledge and validate the client’s description of each Part, their purpose, their relationship, and any subtle or major changes that take place in the imagery, the emotion, the thinking patterns - all with the gentle assistance of tapping. It is vital for the therapist to model patience, respect, understanding, appreciation and non- judgement towards all aspects of cli- ent’s personality and experience – in addition to the healing properties of EFT this is the most important com- ponent of healing the painful internal wars that are such a common part of the process of human change, devel- opment and transformation.
For more on Parts visit Masha Bennett’s website ...
www.practicalhappiness.co.uk AAMET LIFE AUTUMN 2012
www.aamet.org 43
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