FEATURED
FICTION Apples and Elephants
by Kenneth Weene It was August, just before we heard
that the last elephants had died. Suze got it into her head we should ride out to the old Viles farm and pick apples, fresh tree grown apples, for some pies. No Viles has lived on the place for
nearly a hundred years, but it’s still named for them, at least by popular consent. The Yadda-Yadda-Yadda name that designates it an historic site, the one you’d find if you were a tourist doing a VIZ-trip, nobody bothers with that dumb name here. The Purdys were the last to actually
farm there. They quit when there was no place left where could they sell apples, corn, tomatoes, or string beans. The markets were gone; government food - tasteless and chemical though it is - is delivered free so no need for stores or
By PJ Hultstrand I will show some mercy when it comes to a review for the recent debut of “Dark Shadows,” which opened in the theaters last weekend, May 11th. There were many redeeming moments in the movie; it wasn’t all sheer torture. Even my son, now eighteen years old, said he loved the 70’s motif and music used throughout the movie. I agree with this assessment; I did laugh on occasion because of the remembrances of some of the 70’s giving me flashbacks to those days. The music was laid in nicely with some moments from Johnny Depp, as the vampire, Barnabas Collins, who basically carried the entire movie. The funnier moments were when Barnabas had to find awkward locations for sleeping during the daytime. I know, not a new pun, but amusing anyway. I went to the movie with my teenager
and my mother, who used to enjoy the original daytime gothic television show in the 70’s back when I was a young girl. Her opinion pretty much sounded like my own -- we loved the beginning, explaining how Barnabas had a true
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even roadside stands, especially with cars banned and busses rare. So the Purdys quit the place their grandfather had bought from the Viles nearly a century ago, the place everyone still called the old Viles farm. And some bright member of the council, figuring that school kids should have a place to go for field trips, pushed though her idea of an historic site. Now it’s gone to weed and seed; the
farm just sets and waits for nature to take its course. Most people don’t even know it exists, but Suze is real fond of it. She’d gone there as a kid, when they still had some state workers to sow and pick and all that stuff, and she’d eaten some of that fresh-out-of-the-garden food. None of us ever have so we weren’t sure she wasn’t just making it up. But you know Suze, when she gets an idea going, there’s no way you’re going to argue her out of it. We were going to ride our ped-karts
out to the old Viles place and pick some apples. It figures to be seven miles or thereabouts each way, nothing too strenuous except for the air. The dust had really picked up and the official word was you shouldn’t be out without the proper breathing gear. Of course we had none. That stuff’s restricted to those who have priority, which isn’t a bunch of lows like us living off the slop-drop and hanging out. We’re lucky they’ve let us keep our karts and play the VIZ. Henry said we were dumb to go out without that breathing gear, but Suze
MOVIE REVIEW: DARK SHADOWS
love who was bespelled by the witch, Angelique. This is the same witch who made Barnabas into a vampire. If she could not have him, then no woman would. The script suddenly took a 360
degree turn into stupidity about the time Angelique trapped Barnabas too easily and set his fish cannery ablaze. Then the mayhem really started when the Collins manner was also set on fire, and Angelique and Barnabas had the supernatural fight of all time. Angelique started to look more like a porcelain Humpty-Dumpty gone into robot mode. And that wasn’t even the worse part, although it really was very silly. For those of us who know the “Dark
Shadows” of the 60’s and 70’s, it was very sad that they couldn’t hold truer to the right characters being the correct monsters. Nobody I talked to afterwards remembers Caroline ever being a ____________ (major spoiler and I just won’t go that far). It was like they had to throw all the monsters in at the end and by doing so, never gave enough
foreshadowing into these plot lines. I know Tim Burton knows better than this, so I am really surprised at this ending. Now, I did love the last few minutes because it just hit my romance meter, so well done on that. And no... I won’t tell you what I mean by that. If any of this is a spoiler, then
you really needed to get to know the original “Dark Shadows” just a little bit before partaking of this updated version. I also want to remind those not in the know -- that there was a failed attempt to bring back “Dark Shadows” to television with Ben Cross as Barnabas in 1991 and it only lasted one season on NBC. A real shame to those die hard lovers of the Shadows lore. Now, having said all this,
would I recommend this movie -- YES. For the original “Dark Shadows” lovers, you are now prepared, and for new movie watchers, you probably will wonder what my problem is, and
ConNotations
just kept arguing and said we had these masks, the ones for flu. We had some of those left, and she figured if we put them on it would be enough. So we all gave in. I mean, who was going to argue Suze around? Certainly not me. She may be crazy, but I love her more than I can make sense. And I guess the others feel the same because they all went along, too.
Got our karts out of the shed, put on
those stupid masks, and started down Skylark. We didn’t get to the Viles place, didn’t
get close. The day was brown; at least it looked brown with the wind blowing and all that dirt flying. Pretty soon we were covered black, and those masks were so covered we had to stop every block just to shake them out - not that it made much of a difference. We followed Skylark to Prince and headed west, which should have got us to the old highway, the one that goes to Shelburgh, but we were too tuckered to go on and sat on the wall of the old library choking and coughing and damning Suze and ourselves for being fools.
That’s when the police came by, called
for a backup van and took us home - all except Suze, who was still going on about apple pies and how everyone should have one, how it’s part of our way of life. They took her off to the hospital, and we haven’t heard a word of her. I tried to call, but the hospital claims she was never there. Strange.
Anyway, a few days later we heard on
the VIZ that the last elephants had died, somewhere far from here. Now I’ve never seen an elephant - not live, or ate an apple pie. There are lots of things if you look on the VIZ that you don’t see any more. It’s just that Suze wasn’t one of them so why did they have to make her disappear? A New Englander by upbringing and inclination, Kenneth Weene is a teacher, psychologist and pastoral counselor by education. He is a writer by passion. _______________________________
Ken’s short stories and poetry have appeared in numerous publications including Sol Spirits, Palo Verde Pages, Vox Poetica Clutching at Straws, The Word Place, Legendary, Sex and Murder Magazine, The New Flesh Magazine, The Santa Fe Literary Review, Daily Flashes of Erotica Quarterly, Bewildering Stories, A Word With You Press, Mirror Dance, and The Aurorean. This story Apples and Elephants was originally published in Bewildering Stories, issue 418. Ken’s novels, Widow’s Walk and Memoirs From the Asylum are published by All Things That Matter Press. ATTMP will soon be bringing out Tales From the Dew Drop Inne: Because there’s one in every town.
CoN
To learn more about Ken’s writing visit:
http://www.authorkenweene.com
Photo Credit from Disney Films
may love it for entirely different reasons. It has the same quirky fun of a Tim Burton movie staring Johnny Depp, who is always worth watching.
CoN Volume 22 Issue 3
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