He Said She Said B


written by: Kevin McFadden


oobs. Melons. Fun Bags. Cans. Top Shelf. Rack. Bazookas. Chesticles. Mind Erasers. No Country for Old Men. Million Dollar Baby. Titanic. Okay, I was just


naming off Oscar winning films at the end there, but you get the point. In honor of Mardi Gras, and the impractical practice of coeds flashing their upstairs lady parts in exchange for the beads that rain down from balconies, I want to explore the male fascination with the female breast. As Julia Roberts astutely points out in the highly


underrated film Notting Hill, “I mean, seriously – they’re just breasts, every second person has them. They’re odd looking; they’re for milk from your mother. What’s all the fuss about?” Good question, Julia. I ask myself the same question every time I happen by a woman showcasing enormous implants, in an attempt, I assume, to appear more attractive to whatever sex she prefers. If boobs were intrinsically attractive, then man boobs


would be equally hot. But you don’t see fat dudes walking around in tube tops, flaunting what beer and fast food gave them, do you? Of course not, because breasts aren’t intrinsically pleasing on an aesthetic level – a huge part of their appeal is because they are taboo. Before Adam and Eve ate the infamous apple, they were cruising around in the buff without a care in the world. And it’s not as though Adam was sneaking peeks at Eve’s peaks while she wasn’t looking. The biggest reason that tatas are such a big deal today


is because they’re truly the forbidden fruit. Think about it. If every woman walked around topless, as is totally normal in some foreign countries and many third world nations, would plastic surgeons still be enhancing female assets while laughing all the way to the bank? I doubt it. Why did these arbitrary body parts become so critical to our society’s perception of feminine beauty that they’ve become a billion dollar industry? Here’s the surprising inside scoop: many men don’t care


as much as you think. Most of us guys honestly don’t believe that our significant other’s cup size is the determining factor in her overall attractiveness. A factor, yes, but there are many other factors in the sex appeal equation. Although Sigmund Freud might disagree, I can’t help


but feel that guys who are obsessed with massive mammaries are overwhelmingly unintelligent. An unfair assessment perhaps, but this is an opinion column, so luckily I don’t have to care what others think! But if I am correct, it begs the question of why women are spending their hard earned money on overpriced boob jobs just to impress the dumbest guys? Enlighten me, She Said... have breasts become an over- inflated commodity in today’s society or are ladies justified for milking it?!


written by: Brooke Herron A


h, the great breast debate. “Do men really care about breast size?” It’s a question that has plagued the greatest thinkers of our time. I believe it was Einstein


who said, “If a woman has breasts, and no men are around to see them, does it matter how big they are?” Okay – well, maybe he didn’t say that. But you get the idea. I agree – most men don’t really care about breast size –


or not to the extent that it will make or break a relationship. That said, there has to be something behind the glazed look that comes over a man’s face when presented with the image of a Victoria Secret model in lingerie. Admit it- even you look twice when National Geographic features topless women in faraway lands. So, let’s get to your enlightenment. Have breasts become an over-inflated commodity in today’s society or are ladies justified for milking it? Quick answer? Yes, to both. My cups, well, do not runneth over – and I’m not


personally privy to the inner workings of the breast-frenzied male mind. However, I will say that when I employ the tactics of my misleading “miraculous” bra, more than a few heads have turned my way. Do I occasionally use this to my advantage? Sure. A girl’s gotta pool her resources…it’s a tough world out there. Do I think that their appeal is “over- inflated”? Definitely – but who did the inflating? We can credit Playboy, Victoria Secret or Pamela


Anderson for making them a big deal. Or we could blame our Puritan ancestors for hiding our “dirty pillows” in shame. But you know who should get the most acclaim? Men. It’s you guys. You love breasts. Love them. In fact, I didn’t notice any mention of disdain for them, other than the fact that implants are useless. But why do women get boob jobs? It’s certainly not for themselves … although, women might say bigger breasts make them feel more confident and sexy… but around whom? Men, obviously. Men pay attention. Why wouldn’t we want them? I do think it’s a shame that we would endanger our lives for aesthetic purposes, but hey, I just live in this world. I didn’t make the rules. Maybe you don’t understand the frenzy – and you


wouldn’t be alone. I’ll leave you with a quote from a guy named Dave Barry, “Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid.” And there you have it.


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