“Berman’s Bits” by Dave Berman
“Incessantly scouring the uni- verse for the weird, the wacky, and the stupid so you don’t have to.”
Greetings, and thanks for join- ing me for another week. Starting us off are a few news stories you may have missed. First, just how low can some “people” go? Chicago police and the Department of Children and Family Services are investi- gating the apparent beating death of a 2-year-old girl on the city's South Side. Police say the case is being investigated as a homicide. Two-year-old Armani Cotton was found unresponsive in bed with bite and scratch marks on her body. She was rushed to a hospital where she died. DCFS says it is looking into allegations of abuse against the boyfriend of the child's mother. [WLS] I generally don’t swear, so you can do it for me!
Next, one concert-goer was allegedly impregnated in a bath- room at a Megadeth/Motorhead show at the Aragon Ballroom in Chicago and took her case to Craigslist's Missed Connections section to find the “father” (sperm donor). In a post enti- tled, "Did we hook up at the Megadeth/Motorhead con- cert?" an anonymous woman wrote the following (expurgated by moi): "Me: Blue hair, silver tube top, fishnets, Knee high black biker boots. You: Red mohawk, black pentagram gauges, viper piercings. ...we went into the bathroom... I was wasted so I let [you].... You were really good. Anyway I'm pregnant. It's yours. Contact me if you want to be part of your child's life." Good luck with that
Finally, as they go to see "Titanic 3D," moviegoers in China are realizing that they're not exactly getting the whole picture. It seems film censors in the country determined that the scene in which Kate Winslet's breasts are exposed while she poses for Leonardo DiCaprio as he sketches her has been edited so that Winslet is only shown from the neck up. And, no, it's not what you think. It turns out Winslet's bare chest itself isn't so much the problem, but rather, the fact that it is being presented in 3-D. "Considering the vivid 3D effects, we fear that viewers may reach out their hands for a touch and thus interrupt other people's viewing," read a state- ment from China's State Administration of Radio, Film and Television. (They sound like Republicans!)
Big crime! In assigning a bail of only $20,000, the judge in Ellisville, Miss., seemed torn about whether to believe that Harold Hadley is a terrorist -- that is, did Hadley plant a bomb at Jones County Junior College? Investigators told WDAM-TV that the evidence against Hadley included a note on toilet paper on which he had written in effect, "I passed a bomb in the library." However, no bomb was found, and a relative of Hadley's told the judge that Hadley often speaks of, uh, breaking wind as "passing a bomb." The case is continuing.
Recycling! London Fashion Week usually brings forth a shock or two from cutting-edge designers, but a creation by
April 27, 2012
Northcountry News Picture Of The Week
Meeeeeoooooowwwww....... this ice coffee from Mojo Headquarters in Franconia, NH is the way to start the day! You could call it my type of catnip, says Mandu the cat. Mandu lives with John “Wolfman” Smith, Franconia.
If you have a photo which you think could make it as our picture of the week, let us know. Email it to firstname.lastname@example.org
. Your picture could become our next Picture Of The Week! Please, send them on in......
Rachel Freire might have raised the bar: a floor-length dress made from 3,000 cow nipples (designed to resemble roses). Initial disgust for the garment centered on implied animal abuse, but Freire deflected that issue by pointing out that the nipples had been discarded by a tannery and that her use amounted to "recycling." The 32-year-old Freire was kept so busy with the animal-abuse angle that she was largely spared having to explain anoth- er issue -why anyone would want to wear a dress made with cow nipples. [Ecouterre.com
On a website, the ad reads,”Will the right ads find you?” That right there is what drives our entire society! (BTW, does any- one else hate those ads where someone’s deep voice is put in someone else’s mouth [e.g. Allstate])?
(General Services Administration) is to make sure citizens’ taxes aren’t wasted. Bwahahaha! Been watching the news recently?
I just heard the job of the
Bikers in Cuba! "I love every- thing about it. It's like my girl- friend," one man said, showing off the fire-red bike, a sticker of iconic guerrilla Ernesto "Che" Guevara peeling from the fend- er. "I love the heat, I love the
vibration, I love how it rides. I feel like a plane floating through the clouds." Harley-Davidson, the motorcycle brand that says America as much as apple pie or the Super Bowl, also has die- hard fans in communist-run Cuba, and on recently they kicked off the island's first national gathering in honor of the "hog."About 70 black-vest- ed Harley owners rumbled into Varadero from across the island this weekend, many riding dou- ble with their loved ones, for two days of rock 'n' roll, schmoozing, showing off their bikes, and, most important, sharing their mutual obsession with the powerful machines. "You're sitting atop the history of Cuba," said the owner of a 1958 Harley. "It's like being on a bull that wants to run." Cuba's "Harlistas" are just as passionate as their American counterparts, but like the owners of rumbling 1950s Detroit classic cars that still prowl the streets of Havana, vintage Harley fans have had to get creative to keep their bikes road-worthy. Rally organizers say vehicle registries show nearly all the estimated 270 to 300 Harleys on Cuban roads today were built before 1960 (like many of their cars). [www.azcentral.com
It’s not all bad. This past fall, 101-year-old Detroit resident
Texana Hollis watched in tears from her wheelchair as her belongings of more than 60 years were thrown into a trash hauler when she was evicted from her home. Last week, Hollis cried tears of joy as when she returned to her previously dilapidated house, which is being refurbished by a charity for the homeless run by best- selling author and Detroit Free Press sports columnist Mitch Albom.
“Tuesdays With Morrie’’ and “The Five People You Meet in Heaven’’ pushed Hollis up a newly wheelchair built ramp into her home, which is expect- ed to be completely fixed up by next week. “Words can’t express how I feel,’’ Hollis said. “I just thank each and every one of you that had a hand in getting my house back."
The author of
Finally, I have finished my stint as a Customer Service Professional at H&R Block (I think they hired me for my dashing good looks – you know, eye candy for the front) and am back looking for work... again. Surely, someone out there could use someone who can write and speak well as well as get along with most people. Anyone? Anyone?
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