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number, but it’s close. And knowin’ I’m not part of this elite 47% makes me feel even worse. If you know the “How To” on gettin’ counted in on this scheme, would you please send me an application to join this group. You’re right, I’d probably fail the entrance requirements.


COWBOY HUMOR A good friend


I haven’t figured out which one is more painful, but I’ll begin with my physical exam. It don’t matter what time my ap- pointment is, my doctor makes me sit in the exam room for at least an hour. I’m not sure the reason, but that’s just how


I


it is. I think it’s that “hurry up and wait” thing. Anyway, after the usual


pokin’, squeezin’ and


the removal of seven vials of my blood, I was released and told to go home and prepare for next year’s visit. A few weeks later I was informed


that my four page laboratory report was ready. And because my wife and I go to the same doc- tor, I asked her to find out the results of my lab test after her most recent visit. Did you know you can’t do that? Yeah, our doctor wouldn’t give any verbal information to my wife about my results but reluctantly put the lab report in a sealed envelope, only to be opened by me. What? It’s all about the dang HIPPA privacy laws and medical “mumbo-jumbo” protocols. I guess our doctor hasn’t figured out that my wife knows everythin’ about me, includin’ how I look without any clothes on. I know that’s a scary thought, but my wife is a strong woman with exceptionally poor eyesight! So, there I was a few days later,


waitin’ to see my tax guy. I can only think of one thing worse and that was waitin’ to take my Captain II’s interview. I failed that interview and got that same sick feelin’ that I was about to get shot down again, this time by “Uncle Sam.” Well, my premonition was deadly accurate. I was definitely in the IRS’s cross-hairs this year and proceeded to fly directly into the middle of some intense flak and anti-aircraft fire, but luck- ily only part of my tail and rudder got blown off!


On top of that disastrous news, I found


out that 47% of people in this country don’t pay income taxes. I know that might not be an exact


May 2012 • 23


Bruce BarBer, retireD to Gasquet, ca (Just short oF the oreGon BorDer) lanDeD this estimateD 19-pounD steelheaD on the chetco river on FeBuary 10. aFter the photos, Bruce releaseD the trophy Back into the river.


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just had my annual physical examina- tion. Coincidently, I also had my 2011 fiscal examination of my annual income.


of mine needed a few days off work, but knew his boss wouldn’t al- low him the time. He thought that maybe if he acted crazy then his boss would tell him to take a few days off. So he hung up-


side down on the ceilin’ and made funny noises. His female co-worker asked him what he was


doin’. He told her that he was pretendin’ to be a light bulb in hopes that his boss would give him the days off he wanted. A few minutes later his boss came


into the office and asked, “What in the name of the good Lord are you doin’?” He told him that he was a light bulb. His boss immediately recognized he


was stressed out and ordered him to go home and recuperate for a couple of days. He jumped down from the ceilin’ and


walked out of the office. My friend’s female co- worker followed directly behind him. The boss asked her, “And where do


you think you’re goin’?” She said, “I’m goin’ home too. I can’t


work in the dark.”


KEEP SMILIN’! AC


choppedup@att.net


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