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THE WEIRS TIMES & THE COCHECO TIMES, Thursday, April 5, 2012 A brendan@weirs.com


inNEW HAMP SHI R E WIN OR LOSE


FOOL * Live Free *A FLATLANDER’S OBSERVATIONS ON LIFE or Die.


by Brendan Smith Weirs Times Editor


I’ve just found out the


winning numbers for the 600-plus million dollar Mega Millions lottery game.


Did I win? Well, I can only tell you


that if you are reading this, then I didn’t win. If I did win, I certainly wouldn’t be sitting here in front of this damn com- puter to tell you about it; I’d be out pricing a cus- tom made Maserati. So, if you don’t see a column on this page this week, then you’ll know I’ve won. Assuming I didn’t win,


then I have to figure out about six hundred more words to write, which will be hard, considering that I’d be a bit disappointed for not winning. Not very motivating. If I did win, I’d be on


cloud nine and I’d have lots to write about. But, of course, I wouldn’t write about it because I’d be out buying that Maserati and looking at Real Estate on Lake Win- nipesaukee and down on the ocean and probably something in the Carib- bean as well. But, as you can tell


by now, depending on whether or not this col- umn is in the paper. You already know whether I’ve won or lost, so why beat a dead horse? I’m kind of hoping that


this column isn’t in the paper this week, for ob- vious reasons. But if it is, well, I’ll have to live with it. Of course, once every-


one figures out what is going on and reads this and sees that my column isn’t in the paper, then I’ll be avoiding phone calls from every long-lost rela- tive and charity on the


 Shampoo-Set $12


Shampoo-Cut-Blowdry $20 Perms $45


 


  


     


planet, trying to squeeze in on my good fortune. If people read this and


see the column is in the paper, then my social life will be about the same. I’ll know who my real friends are. Even those who don’t


read this and have no clue that my column isn’t in the paper, will figure it out soon enough once I come forward to collect my winnings. They’ll see me on the morning talk shows, in between the stories about the coun- try going bankrupt and the high unemployment rates, speaking with talk- ing heads like Matt Lauer who will pretend to actu- ally be interested that I won all this money for doing nothing. If you do see this col-


umn in the paper, then you’ l l see Matt Lauer pretending with some- one else. Maybe it will be you. But, of course, if you won, I doubt you have any time to be read- ing anything right now or


even watching television, considering all those in- terviews and phone calls. Still, it won’t matter be- cause you don’t even have to look to see if this column is in the paper because you’ll already know I didn’t win. If you don’t see this column in the paper this week and you know I’ve won the Mega Millions, don’t be disappointed. I promise I’ll be back at some point. Even having enough money to buy a small country won’t keep me from writing this col- umn on occasion, even if I have to write it from a small country. If you do see this col-


umn in the paper, than you won’t be surprised in not seeing it here; life will go on as normal. You’ll just take it for granted that you’ll open up the Weirs Times every week and this column wi l l be there. You’ve prob- ably never even consid- ered how your life might change as well if I won


the lottery. So, as you have figured


out by now, looking at this page in this issue of The Weirs Times, you’ll know if I’ve won or lost. Even if I haven’t yet come forward to claim my prize or not, you’ve figured it out. I’m hoping if you don’t


see this column, you’ll respect my wishes and leave me alone and not come tracking me down at the Maserati dealer-


Skelley’s Market


Whether you are a vacationer or a full time resident of the Lakes Region,


Skelley's Market is the place to go for your shopping needs. Located on route 109 in beautiful Moultonboro, New Hampshire, we are very easy to find.


 Pizza Special 


Skelley's Market services include: 





  





     


Stop by Skelley's Market today and enjoy some great food, Bailey's Bubble Ice Cream, a lobster roll or anything else you may need. You will be glad you did.


 


Come visit our other location: Skelley’s Market of Wolfeboro


 


Clam & Scallop Special  


5


ship. If you are reading this column, than neither one of us won and we know we’ve learned a valuable lesson: There’s always Powerball.


Brendan Smith wel- comes your comments at brendan@weirs.com.





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