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Quesada Focus

When things seem to be as bad as they can get then maybe it is time to contact John, your favourite ‘Agony Ant’. If you have tried everything else, this tongue

in cheek look at life might give you

Dear John,

the answer you are searching for!

My husband keeps making unreasonable demands, I’m too shy to say what these are, but is there anything I can do to head him off? Tracey.

As you don’t say what these unreasonable demands are my hands are tied, or maybe that’s what we’re talking about. The best advice I can say is if he is asking for unreasonable things from the kitchen introduce him to the concept of DIY, if it’s the bedroom then the same rule applies!

Dear John, I think my neighbour is having an affair with the pool cleaner. The guy comes around twice a week to clean the pool but her husband must be really thick as they don’t have a pool! Should I point this out to him? Marion, Lo Marabu.

Ignorance is bliss. If her husband is daft enough to not notice that the pool is cleaned in a horizontal position then more fool him. I think this could be a case of jealousy, perhaps it’s time you got yourself a pool that needs cleaning?

Dear John, My boyfriend insists on dragging me to karaoke nights every weekend where he insists on “performing” sex bomb by Tom Jones with all the movements. He thinks he is a dead ringer for Tom however he is more of a Grace Jones strutting round the stage. He thinks his pelvic thrusts make the ladies scream, how do I explain they are screaming with laughter? Abbey.

If he’s happy with the delusion then I’d leave it to him and either get yourself some earplugs or a large glass of vodka. However if you’re determined to burst his bubble how about videoing his next performance and playing it back. You never know he might, from then on, don a dress and start singing Cha Cha Heels!

Dear John, My husband and I recently attended a Vicars and Tarts party where he won the best costume prize in my best Princess Diana Dress and a blonde wig. Since then whenever I come home from shopping or meeting the girls my husband seems flustered and I could swear my clothes have been moved in the wardrobe. Sheila, Doña Pepa

It does sound as though he enjoyed the Drag a little more than you realised at the time. Ask him outright, then as it seems you are the same size you can go dress shopping together! You could, overnight, double the size of your wardrobe surely every woman’s dream.

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