He Said She Said W
written by: Kevin McFadden
hen I was four years old, my older brother came into my room on Christmas morning dressed as Santa Claus and handed me a present, which turned out to be a Trans-
former (this, of course, was back before Michael Bay ruined Trans- formers for the world by forgetting to insert a plot in his movies). Despite the fact that my brother was only eight years old, four feet tall, rail thin, and sounded like Jackie Evancho when doing his jolli- est “Ho Ho Ho,” I was completely taken in by the ruse. To this day, I remember a seven foot tall bearded giant walking into my bedroom and wishing me a “Very Merry Christmas!” in a booming baritone, while I sat and stared in wide-eyed amazement. That is the magic of the holidays when we are young. We are
willing to see the world as we want to see it, and not necessarily as it is. Unfortunately, we all grow up and tend to lose much of that in- nate sense of wonder as the years pass. The day you realize the truth about Santa Claus, the bright colors of the world begin to dull little by little, until eventually you become an adult, discover that there really is no sex in the champagne room, and just like that, the world loses its magic entirely. However, as people get older, there seems to be a bit of a divide
between the two genders when it comes to their response to Christ- mas and other holidays. On average, women seem to hang onto their sense of childlike wonder with far more success than men. Now don’t get me wrong, many of the men I know still enjoy the holidays; but that’s mostly due to the fact that they have an excuse to get fat on turkey and stuffing, get hammered at the office Christmas party, and finally work up the nerve to hit on that smoking hot new intern! Women, on the other hand, genuinely seem to be the perennial
keepers of the holiday flame. From getting a jump on the crowds by starting their holiday shopping in July, to picking out the perfect wrapping paper and matching ribbon for everyone in their lives, to dragging their husbands or boyfriends to every Christmas parade and neighborhood light show in town, women definitely have the goods over men when it comes to getting into the spirit of the sea- son. I’ve long suspected that Mrs. Claus is the real HFIC (head fig- ment in charge) of the Claus household. I hate to come across as a Grinch, but I can’t help but recoil
when radio stations start playing “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas” on November 1st. And when those kids in the Old Navy commercials start singing at me to buy brightly colored turtlenecks when it’s still 87 degrees and humid outside, it makes me want to slap an elf! But why, as a man, does all this Christmas cheer give me such a holiday de-rection? Perhaps it’s due to the mistaken belief that it is unmanly to
show any excitement over a mythical fat man in a body suit deliver- ing presents to kids all over the world with the help of some flying reindeer. Or perhaps it’s because we are trained to believe that to be a man is to be a serious and somber person, and to put away childish things. Either way, She Said, I am not trying to stick a big lump of coal
in your stocking (not a euphemism). But I would like to know the se- cret as to how you ladies continue to sustain and fan that ember of childhood fantasy. The one that allows us to believe that a 70 pound prepubescent blonde boy with a Transformer is really Santa, and al- lows you to believe that a perfect man just might come down your chimney to deliver you a package on December 25th (definitely a euphemism)! Truth be told, I suppose I am just a little jealous of the feminine zeal for the holidays, and I want in on the action. After all, just because living in Southwest Florida ensures that
we won’t have a white Christmas this year, it doesn’t mean that we don’t all deserve a magical one!
Pulse Magazine SWFL | 59 written by: Brooke Herron Y
ou’ve got me on this one... I’m not one of those overzealous, holiday loving ladies. I still remember the moment I learned the truth about Santa. Second grade. I might have been
snooping through my mom’s closet. I might have found an awesome pair of Barbie roller skates. The same skates that arrived under the tree on Christmas morning with Santa’s name scrawled under “From.” It was a sham. Fortunately, I didn’t really care as I was so enamored by those skates. Fast-forward twenty-some-odd years later – I do my shopping
on Christmas Eve and always forget someone on my list. In general, I feel the holiday spirit about one day per year, and it’s usually when I’m wrapping presents. The “spirit” I enjoy on Christmas Day tends to be more of the intoxicating variety. Just kidding. Maybe. But then again, I’m a single woman. I don’t have a house full of babies that I need to light up with good tidings and cheer. And I’m really busy... so, bah humbug. However, I do know about those women that you mentioned; the
ones who begin their holiday shopping in July and have all their gifts wrapped and ready by October. I don’t understand it, but I know the phenomenon exists. One reason that women are generally the more festive of the two genders is that traditionally women are the caregivers. In many cases, they still are. They’re in charge of the children, and that includes creating a magical holiday experience for them. Women get caught up in the festivities because they have to. Not only that, but if weren’t for us, who would deck the halls and jingle the bells? Certainly not men, as you so clearly pointed out. Someone has to take charge, lest we all become Grinches and the magical wonder of Christmas is forever extinguished for all starry-eyed children. As keepers of holiday spirit and tradition, it seems that we have a rather important job. How, you might ask, can men get more into the holiday spirit?
Well, as a fellow Scrooge, this is a tough question. So, I did what I always do when I need a question answered – I Googled it. And guess what popped up first?! The most popular answer: shop on Black Friday. Are you kidding me?! That’s the ticket for capturing the holiday spirit. No wonder I feel like a Grinch – that answer alone sent me back to August! I’ll never get the spirit in time now. But perhaps that’s a big part of the problem-the commercialization of Christmas. Didn’t Charlie Brown have the same issue all those years ago? Everything is about shopping, spending money. Buy! Buy! Buy! It’s disgusting. The true meaning of Christmas, if you’re the religious type, is
celebrating the birth of Jesus. It’s not about buying a new turtleneck in five different colors because they were only $5 each at Old Navy! So, I moved on to the
Ehow.com. Surely they have better insight… nope, disappointed again. Number one on their list? Start shopping. Guess what number 11 was (and the last item on the list)? “Don’t spend more money than you have. Anxiety over looming post-Christmas bills can ruin your holiday.”Well, at least their honest about that! Rant complete. I probably just made anyone already lacking holiday spirit feel a
little worse. Sorry about that. My personal advice? Travel somewhere cold where snow falls. Go skiing. Drink hot chocolate… or an Irish coffee. Spend quality time with the people you love. Donate your time to charity, or money if that’s not possible. And don’t forget to perfect a passive smile just in case you encounter those pesky overzealous holiday shoppers!
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