CONTRIBUTORS TO THIS ISSUE


Poncho Parker Morning Show Host & New Dad Medicine Hat's Best Rock 105.3


Kaitlin Young Birth Doula From Womb to Cradle Doula Services Inc.


Sandy Redden, M.Sc., R.SLP, S-LP (C), CCC-SLP Speech-Language Pathologist SLW - Speech & Language Works Inc.


Jennifer Usher Coordinator Medicine Hat & District Childcare Association


Mike Ratcliffe Director of Snow Sports Hidden Valley Ski Resort


Joanne Smith Registered Dietitian


Amanda Lafferty Registered Psychologist, B.Sc., B.Sc.OT, MACP. Solution Focused Psychology


Scott Dent Owner and Manager The Boarding House, Bliss & Little Rippers


Front cover photo left to right: Fletcher, Sunny, Griffin, and Gibsyn. Griffin is 3.5 yrs and the babies are 9.5 months.


As a new father, I’d like to bust open some terrifying myths about becoming a parent. While the odds of learning anything in the following paragraphs are as likely as sleeping six hours in a row if you’re in the possession of a baby, consider this more of a one-man support group, the print version.


Up until my Poop Monster was brought into this world just over a year ago, my ability to stomach anything more gruesome than looking at sunny-side up eggs was non existent. Taking out the garbage, for example, would often lead to a series of gagging and eye-watering wrestling matches with myself as I attempted to fling that Glad garbage bag into the dumpster. Not only has my ability to change a diaper gotten faster than a seasoned F1 pit crew, the phrase ‘having an iron stomach’ has become very close to me. Used food lying in the sink is like a walk through the park and driving by the rendering plant on a hot summer day would be considered a treat after becoming way too familiar with the end result of a 13-month-old and her love for prunes. Get on the phone to John Davidson and Fran Tarkenton because how something so angelic and life changing can produce a stench so offensive is genuinely worthy of a feature on the ol’ TV show That’s Incredible.


Becoming a parent as I’m sure you’ve noticed has eliminated your living room and in its place is a gymnasium for babies. Sofas, coffee tables, lights and chairs have all been swapped out for wagons, Intellitainers, swings and bassinets. My sound system


E Exceeding


xpectations Since 1977


3


THE THINGS THEY NEVER TOLD YOU


now consists of no fewer than 22 toys, all of which require 14 AA batteries apiece and all of them make more noise than a bunch of rowdies at the local tavern on a Saturday night. My TV remote now has a permanent home on top of the fridge, not that the channel gets changed from Treehouse and should we ever have a power outage, I can recite the theme songs from Olivia to Thomas the Tank Engine to Toupie and Binou on a whim.


And I’ve also realized that as tiny as a baby


is, they command no less than 400 square feet of space should you be planning a trip. Cash in the Camaro for a full-sized van and matching trailer and even then you can consider yourself lucky if there’s enough room for you and an extra pair of gaunch. I’ve developed a rule of thumb that for every 100 kilometres you plan on travelling, you’ll need at the minimum three diapers and three ready-to-go bottles of formula/ milk/whiskey or whatever you use to keep the little one quiet plus several changes of clothes and at least one pallet of baby wipes. Heaven forbid you need to travel to Halifax because the auto industry currently doesn’t make a vehicle large enough to house a baby and the gear required to make such an epic journey.


I also have an opinion on the ratio of having a baby to losing one’s hair but I’m typing this from my office/bathroom and need to cut this short as I currently hear nothing but silence which means Kiddo is doing something she shouldn’t be.


JOHAN SCHUTTE Owner, Goldsmith


910 Allowance Ave SE 403-526-0467


www.golddustjewellery.com


41074505•12/06/11


PONCHO PARKER Morning Show Host & New Dad Medicine Hat's Best Rock 105.3


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