Check out our new forum at NEOhioFamily.com and comment on our teen stories from this issue. We want to know what you think! Continued from page 21 “Once it’s to the point where there


is cutting or any type of repetitive self-injurious behavior,” she says, “then there is typically a significant amount of anxiety that requires at- tention.” Sometimes with teens, the self-


injury takes the form of self-pierc- ing, which can be more than just a second hole in an ear. “Tey are the ones where one


week they are piercing their tongue and the next week they’ve got a hole in their lip or they’re gauging their ears bigger,” Morrison says. “Tey see it as more acceptable, easier to hide and easier to convince them- selves that it isn’t self-injury.” Warning signs of cutting include


a lot of cuts and burns that are un- explained. “Most people who self-injure


don’t tell anybody about it,” Kress says. “You might find that they are wearing long pants or long-sleeved shirts, even in warm weather.” Red flags also include low self-


esteem, difficulty handling emo- tions or feelings and previous abuse. Young people who have a difficult time navigating relationships also might be more prone to cutting. “Kids who are maybe struggling


at school or at home, that’s just a red flag right there,” Kress says. High school student *Kendra was


having relationship issues when she began cutting. An absentee father and difficulty dealing with teen drama didn’t help her self-esteem issues, either. She thought the world was against her and nobody loved or even liked her. A split with her boyfriend put her over the edge. “I was trying to dull the pain of


losing the first guy I actually loved,” she says. “I couldn’t grasp that he was gone and wasn’t coming back to me. I pretended I was OK all day that day, but when I went to lie down, I closed


SIGNS TO WATCH FOR


The biggest misconception is that self-injury is an attempt to commit suicide. The person in question may feel so bad that he has had suicidal thoughts, but generally the two are unrelated. In most cases, the act of self-injury is an attempt to cope with those intense feelings, not die.


Warning signs of self-injury


n Compulsive need to injure oneself by cutting, burning, hitting, scratch- ing or pulling hair n Re-injuring old wounds so they don’t heal n Scarring, usually on arms, wrists, legs, abdomen, head or chest n Attempts to hide arms or other body parts where injury occurred n Hoarding of sharp objects like razors n Person experiences a high from doing it n Consuming thoughts of self-injury or the behavior interrupts normal daily functioning n Usually self-injures when alone n In most cases, there is no intention of killing oneself


— Information courtesy of Susan Fee, a licensed mental health counselor, writer and corporate trainer. www.susanfee.com.


my door and locked it. “I started to cry and started


having a panic attack desperately searching for my razor. I just dug into my skin. I didn’t care how deep or how much blood I lost. I just wanted the emotional pain to go away, and it did. My physical pain and the smell of my blood over- whelmed the emotional pain, and it felt like my whole body relaxed. I felt like I could face the world because I found a new crutch to lean on.”


What a parent can do If you suspect that your child


might be cutting, a talk with the child won’t make them start cutting, Kress says. “Creating a space where you can


have a conversation with the child is really helpful,” she says. “If you do have concerns, tackling those head on in a loving, caring way without screaming and yelling is important.” Parents might want to consider


having their child talk with a school counselor or school psycholo- gist first if the anxiety stems from


a school issue. Sometimes a teen might be more open to talking with an adult other than the parent. “It is very common for children


to not tell their parents or not want to be open with them about it. If you can introduce a third party, that can be really helpful,” Kress says. “It’s something that you definitely want to take seriously, even if it just hap- pens once. You want to get some professional help to try and figure out what’s going on with the child.” Self-injury isn’t the problem,


Kress says, it’s a symptom of an un- derlying anxiety or depression. “If they don’t figure out the root of


what’s causing the problem, they’re going to move on to other things like substance abuse or eating dis- orders or other things that could potentially be more long term and more serious,” she says. Cutting also can be a gateway for


suicide, although that is less com- mon. “We did a research study that


has not yet been published, and we found that people always talk anec- dotally about self-injury being a risk factor for suicide. We found that it is. People who self-injure are more likely to commit suicide or have suicidal thoughts than people who don’t,” Kress says. If a parent is hearing suicidal talk,


that’s a major concern, Morrison says. Any kind of even vague com- ments like “I’m done with this” or “I don’t want to live anymore” or “I’m fed up” should be a red flag. “If the cutting is becoming more


prevalent and riskier, some kids are very careful to cut in areas that they know is not lethal or they’re very careful to be superficial, not go too


24 FAMILY MAGAZINE


deep. Tere’s always a risk there. Tey may not intend to harm them- selves significantly, but then they do it accidently,” she says.


What a parent shouldn’t do Don’t have an overly strong emo-


tional response, Morrison says. Sometimes that reinforces the be- havior. “Tey (parents) need to remain


calm, ask them what they are afraid of, what they are nervous about, what they need help with. Lots of times they make sure the parents see it indirectly. Tey want some relief from it,” she says. Don’t minimize it thinking, “my


child will grow out of it.” Don’t assume it’s for attention.


Tere is some purpose for the be- havior. On a positive note, most self-in-


jurers will not continue the behavior long term, but early intervention still is important. “To me, if someone is even trying


it, it’s a warning sign that they are struggling,” Morrison says. “Many people who self-injure are very sen- sitive. Tere are very creative oſten times. “I think self-injury doesn’t de-


fine people. It’s a behavior, not who they are. It’s really important that if your child self-injures that you don’t get caught up in them being a self- injurer.” For Amy, finding the right thera-


pist was the key to turning her around. “Distortions I had believed about


myself all my life could not be tack- led on my own. Because she put me in perspective time and time and time again, I was able to start seeing myself, my situation and my poten- tial realistically and optimistically. Trapped in a lifetime’s swamp of low self-esteem, I would not have even known that I could change without therapy,” she says. Kendra wants to tell other cutters


that it’s not worth the scars and the hurt it causes other family members and friends. “Tey love you, and it hurts


them to see you hurt yourself,” she says. “So the next time you are up- set and want to cut, call someone, go see someone — your best friend, mom, dad, grandpa, grandma — someone who won’t judge you and just let it all out because the world isn’t against you.”


Terri Nighswonger is editor of Family magazines.


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