32 BOARDING REPORT
Report from the Captain of Boarders
When I first read the words “We are pleased to offer you the position of Captain of Boarders”, I felt excited and naturally under-qualified. Having never fully boarded at QEH, I wondered if I should immediately pack an overnight bag and camp in QEH whilst Merv the cleaner sang me sweet lullabies.
I began to pray that the rumours about the QEH ghost of ‘The Green Lady’ were only that. However, with an ‘It’s my last year, let’s go for it’ attitude, I got off my prayer mat and put my best foot forward into my new role.
The first step was informing the teachers “We are ready for you in the assembly”. A word of warning for all future Captains of Boarders: when informing staff that assembly is about to begin, the same message should be addressed to the Headmaster. Never forget him, even if you’ve had a late night preparing a video. The ensuing story might haunt you. I’m relieved the Head thought it entertaining. This was just the first in a long line of embarrassing moments.
My first public outing was for Prizegiving with my many Boarders - so many, so fast, they are invisible. Now, as much as I love the QEH bluecoat uniform, there are quite a few reasons why it went out of fashion. Having worn the breeches for three years as a member of the QEH choir, I took them out of my cupboard and thought ‘I haven’t grown that much, it’s one size fits all’. Wrong. I can only describe the four hours parading them as ‘toasty’. However, I did rather enjoy greeting members of the public while wearing the irreplaceable Captain of Boarders silver medallion. One university student, destined to be the next Jeremy Paxman, enquired ‘What are you dressed up as?’ It was very tempting to reply ‘As our school mascot’, but I felt I was not a tourist attraction at Disneyland. He did. He asked if his girlfriend could have her picture taken with me and I was more than willing to oblige.
At Charter Day there was more media attention, as Michael Parr peered through an array of cocktail sausages and snapped me gorging on a spring roll. Five minutes of fame. The breeches were worth it.
I looked forward to donning them again for the Old Boys’ Society Dinner. I greatly appreciated and enjoyed having this unique opportunity to talk to the OBs about their time at QEH. However, retelling stories about chamber pots was not the only thing on their mind as they were generous in purchasing beverages for me. I look forward to seeing them again soon.
Of course, my highlight as Captain of Boarders has to be celebrating the England Ashes win by dancing ‘The Sprinkler’ in front of 540 boys and staff. At least I wasn’t sporting the red leggings I seem to have worn more times than I care to remember - for charity. Only three days after returning from the Christmas holidays, I was seen adding to my Captain of Boarders repertoire as a dancer, a hobby underpinned by my singing in the annual Sixth Form X Factor. The audience and judges seemed to enjoy the performance, as did I, dancing to Michael Jackson hits and Katy Perry’s ‘California Gurls’ wearing a clock about my neck. Snoop Dogg watch out.
However, the pleasure of being Captain of Boarders has not just emerged from imitating rap artists. I was delighted when the whole school came together to raise a record breaking £4000 for the annual Children in Need fundraiser.
One of the most enjoyable moments for me on the Big Day was captaining the Spanish Dodgeball team, ‘Los Toros’. Getting soaked in the stocks was less pleasant but perfect proof that QEH boys will do anything to help others.
All in all, I’ve had a brilliant time as Captain of Boarders and have learned a lot along the way: teamwork, delegation of responsibility and the necessary skill to find unnamed bags for forgetful and mildly desperate Year 7s. It has been a lot of fun working alongside George Bamber and Tom Pearce, who are resolute in their hard work and dedication and are to be commended.
Last year, James Bailey kindly wished me luck and hoped I’d find an answer to the question: ‘Why is there still a Captain of Boarders and what do you do?’ He was right; it’s queried almost every day and I’m proud to answer: ‘Whilst we don’t have any more boarders, the title and role embodies the tradition of the school’.
Having started the tall trend in Captains of Boarders, I’d like to wish Harry O’Connor all the best in his new role, which I know he’ll enjoy. I hope he too finds an answer and is ready for the paparazzi.
Finally, I’d like to thank all the staff and boys of QEH for their unwavering support and generosity. I owe a great deal to Mr Ryan to whom, despite the rumours, I’ve never served a cup of tea. He much prefers a glass of Sauvignon Blanc.
Ed Blancke
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