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Darkness From page 85


the transition for my kids hap- pened overnight, but it didn’t. The loss of a parent can be devastating. Thankfully, however, they have survived beautifully and are all thriving, successful young adults filled with compas- sion, empathy and understanding. All of them are wiser and healers in their own rights, as a result of their daddy’s passing.


Here now are a couple of


key things I did to help my kids through this crisis:


I allowed each person to process the grief in his or own way and timing. Steve’s son, A.J., pulled away from almost everyone, especially me. Mackenzie, our oldest daughter, hid under the covers when she felt immense grief. And Kolbi, our baby, got angry. Each of the kids expressed his or her pain in a way that was unique to them. But instead of telling the kids how they must feel, I continually encouraged them to express themselves. And I said things like, “I’m sorry you’re hurting.” Or, “It’s okay that you’re angry.” And, “Take as much time as you need.” My attitude created an opening for each of the kids to love themselves unconditionally, and to ACCEPT what was going on inside of them.


Resistance tends to be the theme during transition. And just like the old saying, “What you resist, persists,” I knew that if my kids


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resisted what was going on in their lives, they would most likely head into a downward spiral. This is why I encouraged them to feel everything. You have to feel to heal. Most people shun their feel- ings when dealing with difficult life transitions. But as we resist these feelings, instead of releas- ing and healing, we hold on to the pain and the grief…sometimes for a lifetime. However, when you accept what is going on within, you embrace your humanness and open up to compassion and kind- ness for yourself.


I encouraged the kids to embrace the gift of their dad’s passing. I know this seems a little far- fetched, but we live by a belief in our home that nothing hap- pens by chance, and that we draw to us the things in our lives that will help us grow into more of who we are. As a spiritual coach, I knew without a doubt that Steve’s passing was Divine. I knew that each of us would ex- pand into deeper love and know- ingness if we would just embrace what was happening. So I would ask the kids things like, “What is the gift? What do you think you’re learning about yourself?” Or I’d ask, “What did your dad give you that you now can give to yourself to feel loved?” By look- ing at Steve’s passing this way, and by encouraging the kids to learn about themselves and grow,


Aug/Sept 2011


I set the tone for them to feel empowered in all of life’s difficult situations rather than feeling like victims.


These simple tools are what helped us walk with grace through Steve’s passing. By com- ing from a space of acceptance and allowing, my example gave the kids room to heal. And now this is what I see them do for themselves and their friends.


In the darkness ARE many possi- bilities. We always have a choice as to how we walk through life’s transitions. You can resist dif- ficult times, or you can accept them. But just like my kids did, by embracing the darkness to learn about yourself and grow, you open up to your heart. You become kindness, compassion, understanding and love.


Terri Amos-Britt is a spiritual coach, motivational speaker, and relation- ship expert. She is the author of the award winning book, The Enlightened Mom: A Mother’s Guide for Bringing Peace, Love & Light to Your Fam- ily’s Life, and is the founder of www. TheEnlightenedMom.com, a free global healing community for moms. To get Terri’s book and its companion meditations, go to www.TheEnlight- enedMom.com/book.


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