poor grade on a test leads to study- ing more, not less).
Empathy: recognizing and un- derstanding emotions in others. If one child is able to care about how another is feeling, teasing or picking fights with unsuspecting victims can be drastically reduced.
Intellectual ability is not enough. As Goleman points out, IQ and SAT scores do not predict who will be successful in life (IQ at best contrib- utes about 20 percent). Even school success has been predicted more by emotional and social measures (e.g.: being self-assured and interested, following directions, turning to teachers for help, and expressing needs while getting along with other children) than by academic ability.
Who Is Responsible?
Teachers might say parents are responsible for such social compe- tence. Parents might say it is in the schools where children can best learn to get along with other chil- dren and develop social skills. Who is responsible? WE ALL ARE. With the devastating high rise of juvenile crime, depression, suicide, drug use, eating disorders, and pregnancy, we seem to have a generation of emotionally disabled youngsters and everyone must become involved to help turn the tide.
How To Get It To understand how to develop emo-
Social Skills: handling emotions in relationships and interacting harmoni- ously with others, including being sensitive to others needs and wants, being able to listen to and soothe others feelings, and developing what is considered good “people skills”. The concept of emotional intel- ligence is to be applauded. Not because it is totally new, (you may recognize some aspects from previ- ous ideas) but because it captures in one compelling term, the essence of what our children need to know to be productive and happy.
tional intelligence, we’ll take a look at anger management, one of the most important skills for our children (and us) to master. Goleman cites research that shows many children who are aggressive and hard to handle in the first and second grades tend to have a five-fold increase in truancy, drinking, drug taking, dropping-out and petty crime in their high school years.
Think about the last time your child exploded in anger. When his sister grabbed the remote control and
aspiremag.net
changed the TV station? When her younger brother burst into her room and bothered her friends? How did you react? With calm reason or did you explode back? If we lose control when our children do, what are we really teaching them?
The good news is that we have the power to change and grow - both in our actions and in helping our chil- dren develop competent emotional skills. Consider a six-year old boy who’s been having alot of trouble getting along with his younger three year old sister, and who initially had difficulty expressing his feel- ings. With some simple training and direction he was able to develop a repertoire of positive coping skills and resolve his dilemma.
“How did you feel when you hit your sister?” - “Bad”
“Would you like to feel better?” - “Yes”.
“What can you do next time so that you do not have to hit your sister and feel bad?” He was able to articulate: “balloon breath (deep breathing) ... count to ten.... go to my room till I calm down” ... “use my words”.
Here, in a simplified form appropriate to his age, he demonstrates excellent anger management by calming down using relaxation and distraction techniques, and not responding to his first impulse to hit. When asked what would help him get along better with his sister, he responded “Not blaming her for things I do.” The next time a similar incident occurred, a gentle reminder from his parent
See Children page 80 79
Page 1 |
Page 2 |
Page 3 |
Page 4 |
Page 5 |
Page 6 |
Page 7 |
Page 8 |
Page 9 |
Page 10 |
Page 11 |
Page 12 |
Page 13 |
Page 14 |
Page 15 |
Page 16 |
Page 17 |
Page 18 |
Page 19 |
Page 20 |
Page 21 |
Page 22 |
Page 23 |
Page 24 |
Page 25 |
Page 26 |
Page 27 |
Page 28 |
Page 29 |
Page 30 |
Page 31 |
Page 32 |
Page 33 |
Page 34 |
Page 35 |
Page 36 |
Page 37 |
Page 38 |
Page 39 |
Page 40 |
Page 41 |
Page 42 |
Page 43 |
Page 44 |
Page 45 |
Page 46 |
Page 47 |
Page 48 |
Page 49 |
Page 50 |
Page 51 |
Page 52 |
Page 53 |
Page 54 |
Page 55 |
Page 56 |
Page 57 |
Page 58 |
Page 59 |
Page 60 |
Page 61 |
Page 62 |
Page 63 |
Page 64 |
Page 65 |
Page 66 |
Page 67 |
Page 68 |
Page 69 |
Page 70 |
Page 71 |
Page 72 |
Page 73 |
Page 74 |
Page 75 |
Page 76 |
Page 77 |
Page 78 |
Page 79 |
Page 80 |
Page 81 |
Page 82 |
Page 83 |
Page 84 |
Page 85 |
Page 86 |
Page 87 |
Page 88 |
Page 89 |
Page 90 |
Page 91 |
Page 92 |
Page 93 |
Page 94 |
Page 95 |
Page 96 |
Page 97 |
Page 98 |
Page 99 |
Page 100 |
Page 101 |
Page 102