Feature Story
Requiem for Addiction ORIGIN COLUMNIST | Tommy Rosen O
n the night that I almost died from smoking crack, there was no conscious understanding of what
was happening in my mind or body. I was reduced to a state of depravity such that my only goal was to never “come down.” I had also smoked pot - a lot of it - that day. Once you start smoking cocaine however, you no longer feel the effects of pot so it loses its importance quickly. Not the case with cigarettes, however. Cocaine and cigarettes really enjoy each other’s company. When I did coke, I smoked weird, strong cigarettes – Export A’s (The Blue Ones), Marlboro Reds, occasionally, Camel Straights and of course,
Clove Cigarettes - anything that packed a punch. I hated weak cigarettes and if I did not feel them when they went in, they were too weak.
The moment would come on that particular night when I COULD NO LONGER GET A FULL BREATH. Strangely, I was embarrassed and did not want anyone to notice that something was wrong. I was possibly dying, but was too concerned about what people would think of me to ask for help. “Maybe it will pass.” I played it cool for a moment, closed my eyes and waited, but the feeling worsened to where I could no longer get much of a breath at all. I walked quickly out of the room beginning to panic while gasping and thinking, “Ok, this is it. Call 911. It all ends tonight.” I leaned over with my hands on my knees like a football player who has had the wind knocked out of him and tried to breathe. Very slowly, my body and its God-given impulse to survive sent out the right drugs through my bloodstream to dilate my bronchial tubes and save my life. The moment of panic passed and I would survive that night of horror.
I wish I could tell you that the madness ended there. Unfortunately, I still had more “fieldwork” ahead of me, but the day would eventually come where I would wake up and realize I had no next move. I had run out of drugs and alcohol. I had no girlfriend to take care of me. I had no money and no connections left. I could not imagine what to do, so I called up my father, who I had
10
OriginMagazine.com September/October 2011
“The day would eventually come where I would wake up and realize I had no next move.”
relied upon for care and affection. I told him basically everything I could except for the truth. Then suddenly, he just came out with it, “You’re on drugs. I know you’re on drugs! Aren’t you?” I said, “Yes, Dad. I am.” He told me that I was going to have to go to rehab. I replied harshly that I would not go.
Page 1 |
Page 2 |
Page 3 |
Page 4 |
Page 5 |
Page 6 |
Page 7 |
Page 8 |
Page 9 |
Page 10 |
Page 11 |
Page 12 |
Page 13 |
Page 14 |
Page 15 |
Page 16 |
Page 17 |
Page 18 |
Page 19 |
Page 20 |
Page 21 |
Page 22 |
Page 23 |
Page 24 |
Page 25 |
Page 26 |
Page 27 |
Page 28 |
Page 29 |
Page 30 |
Page 31 |
Page 32 |
Page 33 |
Page 34 |
Page 35 |
Page 36 |
Page 37 |
Page 38 |
Page 39 |
Page 40 |
Page 41 |
Page 42 |
Page 43 |
Page 44 |
Page 45 |
Page 46 |
Page 47 |
Page 48 |
Page 49 |
Page 50 |
Page 51 |
Page 52 |
Page 53 |
Page 54 |
Page 55 |
Page 56 |
Page 57 |
Page 58 |
Page 59 |
Page 60 |
Page 61 |
Page 62 |
Page 63 |
Page 64 |
Page 65 |
Page 66 |
Page 67 |
Page 68 |
Page 69 |
Page 70 |
Page 71 |
Page 72 |
Page 73 |
Page 74 |
Page 75 |
Page 76 |
Page 77 |
Page 78 |
Page 79 |
Page 80 |
Page 81 |
Page 82 |
Page 83 |
Page 84 |
Page 85 |
Page 86 |
Page 87 |
Page 88 |
Page 89 |
Page 90 |
Page 91 |
Page 92 |
Page 93 |
Page 94 |
Page 95 |
Page 96 |
Page 97 |
Page 98 |
Page 99 |
Page 100 |
Page 101 |
Page 102 |
Page 103 |
Page 104 |
Page 105 |
Page 106 |
Page 107 |
Page 108 |
Page 109 |
Page 110 |
Page 111 |
Page 112 |
Page 113 |
Page 114 |
Page 115 |
Page 116 |
Page 117 |
Page 118 |
Page 119 |
Page 120 |
Page 121 |
Page 122 |
Page 123 |
Page 124 |
Page 125 |
Page 126 |
Page 127 |
Page 128 |
Page 129 |
Page 130 |
Page 131 |
Page 132 |
Page 133 |
Page 134 |
Page 135 |
Page 136 |
Page 137 |
Page 138 |
Page 139 |
Page 140 |
Page 141 |
Page 142 |
Page 143 |
Page 144 |
Page 145 |
Page 146 |
Page 147 |
Page 148 |
Page 149 |
Page 150 |
Page 151 |
Page 152 |
Page 153 |
Page 154 |
Page 155 |
Page 156 |
Page 157 |
Page 158 |
Page 159 |
Page 160 |
Page 161 |
Page 162 |
Page 163 |
Page 164 |
Page 165 |
Page 166 |
Page 167 |
Page 168 |
Page 169 |
Page 170 |
Page 171 |
Page 172 |
Page 173 |
Page 174 |
Page 175 |
Page 176 |
Page 177 |
Page 178 |
Page 179 |
Page 180