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/// ARTPRIZE


Producer Joe’s ArtPrize Predictions


| by Joe Gasmann (a.k.a. Producer Joe of the Free Beer and Hot Wings show)


1. Garbage As it was last year, it will be now as well.


A large ArtPrize role will be played by garbage, and the “artists” that throw in on the street. I know you could classify a lot of the entries as such, but I mean real garbage: poorly tuned pianos, anything carved with a chainsaw and that mime that pa int ed hims e l f bronze. Garbage, so hot right now.


2. Bigness What would this year


be if we didn’t have a massive piece of s**t to display? Laziness and lack of creativity will be the mantra of the studio that brought us the pig barrel.


3. S****y Instead of


Locations S****y locations always win in my book. It lets me know that I’m not missing a thing. I mean, half the pieces in good locations suck c**k, so you know that anything in front of the Cina-Mini on Plainfield is going to be as inspiring as the stains that adorn the building.


4. Boredom I predict this will set in within a week’s time


for me.


5. Dance Exhibits Despite the people that will try and push it


on you as a valid entry, dance will still not be considered as such by anyone.


52 | REVUEWM.COM | SEPTEMBER 2011


TOP 10 ANNOUNCEMENT: Everyone gathers to see which things made out of smaller things made the cut.


voting, why not simply destroy anything you


find distasteful? (Not really, folks.)


6. Voting ArtPrize 2011 is scrapping the traditional


voting process. This year, the public is asked to take an even bigger proactive approach, by destroying anything you find to be distasteful. Seriously, they said it’s OK! The final 10 will then face The Rancor, who will then eat all of them. Everybody wins!


7. The


Winners The big thing to keep


in mind about this year’s winner, is that it


will be the exact same as it has been in the past — someone talented in a normal artsy way. No f ***ing arts and crafts penny exhibit, no car mufflers bent to look like people and no big ugly blankets. It will be a draw- ing or painting. There are enough stupid people to place asshole-poverty-art in the top 10, but not enough to give them the sense that they are truly talented. n


SCHEDULE | DINING | SIGHTS | SOUNDS SCENE


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