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Over the years I have come to respect that healing, like love, is a mystery. Though we can create the conditions for healing to occur, we cannot understand what actually happens. This is true of a broken bone and a broken heart. What happens is a mystery. I have learned how to create conditions of deep empathy and safety in which one can retrieve the memories, emotions and associations of a wounding. In a safe set and setting, we can give reality to the wounds through witnessing and validating. This seems to be the transformative requirement with love wounds: they must be seen, felt and accepted. Some wounds are deep traumas and require skilful hands to midwife the healing. When Freud called his psychoanalysis a “cure through love”, he understood the principle that acceptance facilitates healing. If you are ready to let love come more
fully into your life, there are some things you can do immediately. The psyche is very suggestible and cooperative in such circumstances and it will yield its secrets if you are sincere. You can start by paying attention to your dreams: you can engage your dreams for self-knowledge and inner guidance. Dreams educate us about the inner workings of the psyche, how the soul speaks to us every night through our dreaming in the symbolic language of images and stories. Your core concerns will appear in your dreams, and if you are making relationship and love important in your life then the psyche will definitely chime in with useful information. For dream recall, keep a journal or tape recorder by your bed, it will serve as a strong suggestion that you want to remember your dreams. Record your dreams immediately upon waking. Try not to move your body when you first wake up, lie still and notice where you have been. Ask, “What was I just dreaming?” Reach for your journal instead of reaching for your cell phone or thinking about the day’s concerns. Once you have brought your dreams across the threshold of wakefulness and recorded them in the present tense, then re-enter the dream by
re-reading it and allow yourself to have feeling responses to the dream narrative. This is the first line of interpretation, connecting to the feelings in the dream and to the feelings the dream arouses in you. Carry the images and the storyline of the dream around with you for a few days; something will come of it. You might also try drawing or painting the central image in the dream, the one most charged for you. In the act of depicting the dream you will find an opportunity to develop your feeling responses and your understanding of the dreaming. What you are dreaming is what you need to pay attention to now. In your dreams you can find inner guidance to find your way back to love. From my therapeutic work with love
wounds, I have found it invaluable to help my clients develop their capacity to be active witnesses in their interactions with others. I teach some basic skills to create a bystander awareness, what they call ‘witness consciousness’ in Taoism. I would encourage you to use reflection, meditation, and self- observation to see how it goes between you and others. I also employ some easy-to-learn framework, like the language of C.G. Jung’s psychological types, or the Enneagram types, as a tool to observe my loving nature in the relational field with others, and to strengthen confidence for the vexing complexities of new situations and people. Adding new language to your story-
telling gives you the power to understand and feel your way through the intricacies of loving, to avoid bad bets and repetitive tragic stories, and to tell yourself into the right story, without the barriers.
JEREMIAH ABRAMS is a Jungian therapist and author based in the San Francisco. A popular teacher, Jeremiah is considered a leading expert on the human shadow. His
books include the best-selling Meeting the Shadow: The Hidden Power of the Dark Side of Human Nature; The Shadow in America; and Reclaiming the Inner Child. His 3-CD audio program, The Dreamtime Journey: The Path of Direct Experience is a shamanic journey in a box. He will be co-presenting several events on love in Australia and Bali from September to December, 2011.
Chris D’Souza
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SEPTEMBER 2011
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