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criticise ourselves if, and when, they appear in our lives. Failure always carries the seeds of hidden opportunities to begin again and we must never, ever, forget this. Recently, at a particularly low point in my life I asked a friend if we got a second chance in life and he replied: “Yes, and a third, and a fourth, and a fifth chance…”. This, for me, meant that provided we keep on trying to push open the door of opportunity, a new future remained firmly in view as an achievable goal.
How to overcome the struggle of life – the five stages of healing
WE ALL SUFFER, WE ARE ALL EXPOSED TO PAIN THAT CAN OPEN UP OLD AND NEW WOUNDS. NO ONE IS EXEMPT FROM THIS PROCESS, NO ONE CAN NEGOTIATE A ‘GET OUT’ CLAUSE BUT THERE IS A ROUTE MAP WE CAN FOLLOW THAT CAN HELP US REFRAME THIS EXPERIENCE. FOR MICHAEL IT’S A FIVE STAGE PROCESS.
BY MICHAEL LEWIN
“What is the source of our first suffering? It lies in the fact that we hesitated to speak. It was born in the moment when we accumulated silent things within us.” Gaston Bachelard
L
ife is a struggle for most us; a contested experience of trying to cope with attendant pain and distress that visits our lives and
takes lodgings. We have our good periods, moments of pleasure, enjoyment, even delight, but too often we are thrown back into our suffering which makes us question the validity of what is happening to us and the inevitable surfacing of the big question: Why? But if we look closer at life, fully engage with its movements and dramas we can start to realise that suffering is an inevitable part of this journey. No one escapes from its clutches; no one is exempt from its presence. There are no ‘get out’ clauses, no fierce negotiations that we can enter into that will help eliminate what is making a hold in our lives. So what are we to do? How can we proceed?
1. AWARENESS Whether we are searching for physical, emotional, mental or spiritual healing the path starts firmly and squarely with bringing awareness to our condition. This may seem an obvious statement but nevertheless many of us could be walking around in pain without even being fully conscious of it. Certainly distress can
sweep into our lives quite suddenly and violently making us fully aware of its presence, its dramatic eruption engaging our attention, often disproportionately, making our lives a misery, but there are other times when there is an imperceptible, slow introduction of pain, just under our threshold of awareness, which can largely go unrecognised and unattended. Wherever you are placed on this continuum in terms of attentiveness be mindful that our ‘visitor‘ is here for a reason and needs our consideration and response. If we react automatically with a knee jerk response we are likely to cause more damage, more suffering. What is required is our entry into a ‘quiet mode’ where we can start to learn how to listen intently to the ‘voice‘ of our visitor so that we can take appropriate, sympathetic action. Life dictates that we should work with our pain, our suffering, in order to transcend it. A full, human existence in an imperfect world brings so many challenges but we have to recognise their power to shape our lives negatively, and then, with skilful application, try to transform them. Rilke once said that “we squander our pain” meaning that we do not listen to what the experience is trying to tell us so we do not learn. Yet it is only through bringing a soft awareness to our plight, within a non- judgemental framework, that we can start to listen and understand our suffering; putting us in a position of potential metastasis – transformation.
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2. A POSITIVE ACCEPTANCE OF SELF-EMPOWERMENT A vital requirement of any healing practice insists that we open ourselves up to a positive expectancy that says we will get better. Not necessarily cured, restored back to full health – although this remains a possibility – but certainly an improvement, if only on a slight incremental scale, otherwise it could be argued, what is the point? We must constantly affirm and commit to the potential of getting better. Despite how difficult our situation is we do need to rid ourselves of fear and anxiety, anger and despondency, which holds us back and prevents us from taking the first few steps forward in the knowledge that a healing power can improve our lives. Our world is largely determined by our thoughts for they constantly shape and influence in what direction we go. By choosing optimistic, but nevertheless realistic options, we make ourselves available for the good to enter our lives. Having a goal in life, a vision that can utilise our full energies, often concentrates our minds wonderfully, thus distracting us, in a constructive way, from our at times obsessive, repetitive, negative thoughts. We may slip back at times, and this is understandable, but if we are determined we will get back on track in order to put into practice the tools we need. Mistakes are part of the journey, here to give us corrective feedback – so we mustn’t
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3. APPLICATION OF TOOLS One of the major tools for delivering a better existence is relaxation. Both mentally and physically this is a major tool for healing. Our bodies are living, breathing organisms that contain sanctity. Therefore we must treat them as well as we would any cherished possession. Relaxing showers, leisurely baths, calming massage, full body scans, nutritional diets, gentle exercise like tai chi or yoga, cycling or walking, all contribute to a better, more grounded peaceful existence. When our body muscles are relaxed our stress and anxiety levels decline. This is a simple reality that we sometimes forget especially in the heat of our everyday activities. We are spiritual beings in physical shells – so we must be mindful of this and treat the body, at all times, with respect and reverence. Walt Whitman had insight on this when he said: “If anything is sacred the human body is sacred…. To render the body strong, clear and lovely is a religious duty.” The other major dimension we must pay
attention to in our recovery program is the mental and emotional life within. Often our pain is deeply internalised, beyond our recognition – so we must bring forth the mindful practices of meditation or prayer to assist us. If we can start a small but regular practice of sitting quietly and peacefully with ourselves – settling down to initially paying attention to our breathing patterns – then a relaxed calmness will descend creating a space of receptivity, and in this opening space ‘issues’ may very well start to surface, speaking to us like they have never done before. Often, in my own practice, a core theme that has regularly gained my attention has been that of forgiveness. In my life it has been too easy for me to get irritated, frustrated or angry at peoples’ behaviour and then allow this to affect me, and what I noticed was that, the more judgement I brought to bear on the matter, the more I seemed to suffer. Unwilling to go on in this manner, I soon started a forgiveness practice where I suspended my totally subjective opinions, which held me back in pain, and sought out the healing light of forgiveness – forgiveness to others and to myself. Healing invites our active participation
in its process of reparation – it asks us to cultivate openness, patience, compassion and forgiveness in order to move beyond our immediate pain into a place of possible reconciliation, and, because it involves us in going forward, involves us in growth, do we really have a choice to say no?
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