parenting
Famous gay dad, Barrie Drewitt-Barlow gives his surrogacy tips.
Barrie’s surrogacy top 10 I
t is important to remember with surrogacy that you are not dealing with infertility. In most cases, you are going to use the egg of a twenty-something-year-old woman and the
uterus of a woman who has had no infertility is- sues in her life before, and has had, in most cases, successful pregnancies prior to being a surrogate for you. The likelihood is that your surrogate is go- ing to get pregnant if you use the right clinic and method to achieve a pregnancy. In my view, gesta- tional surrogacy is the best way forward for many couples that have been fighting infertility, and the only way if you are a same-sex couple fighting infertility. There are ten steps to parenthood via surrogacy and they are:
1st stEP: fiNdiNG aN aGENCy
The first step is to decide if you are going to be able to do the surrogacy facilitation yourself or whether you should bring in an agency or project manager. Many couples decide that for their first surrogacy, they will get help. Assuming you have decided to use a facilitator within an agency, there are many agencies to choose from. Some are better than others and some have higher success rates at providing a happy ending than others. Once you have decided on which facilitator to use, arrange an introductory consultation to ascertain the needs of the IPs [inseminating parents]. You will be advised on all aspects of surrogacy and will be given the opportunity to ask questions. If you choose an out-of-town or international agency to work with, you may well have to fly over to meet them. However, lots of agencies will work online with you and some even tour regions. You should include the following questions: How long have they been in business? How many couples are they working with now and have successfully helped in the past? Which fertility clinics do they use? What is the time scale to find surrogates and egg donors? And how are they vetted? Is there any money-back option or discounts if the treatment isn’t successful? And what is their ongoing support?
2Nd stEP: aGrEEMENt aNd rEtaiNEr
When you have decided that you are happy to work with the agency, you will be given the retainer agreement to sign. At this point your surrogacy becomes real and the agency will work with you to find you the perfect surrogate and/or egg donor.
3rd stEP: tEstiNG
All medical testing will need to be performed to local FDA or HFEA (or country specific) guidelines and some clinics also have their own requirements. HIV and other STD testing are standard. Most clinics will require you to undergo counselling and psychotherapy sessions, but not all. It is recommended that you also have the sperm tested and frozen at this time to help cut down waiting times. At this appointment, if you are local to your clinician, you would enrol with their programme. If not, then this can be done over the phone.
4th stEP: fiNd a surroGatE
Your facilitator should be using the quarantine period time on the sperm to match you up with your surrogate, and if needed, an egg donor too. Finding the perfect surrogate is a difficult job. You need to be upfront about the type of relationship you are looking for, and whether it will be an involved one or more of a closed one. You will be asked to complete a full profile biog on you and your partner, including photos of you both. This can be matched with egg donors and surrogates. The profile will be shared with the surrogate and egg donor; all names can be left out of the profile if you so wish. Please remember that no agency in the world has surrogates and egg donors waiting on a list and if you are told that this is the case, they are not the right agency to work with. Please be prepared to wait for a good surrogate to become available and do not just go with the first one that offers because you feel that you want to get the process underway.
family
Pride 2011 • 77 london
There are many countries where commercial surrogacy is still illegal. It may be even be illegal to advertise for a surrogate.
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