Sit and Spin I actually interviewed the original Wonder Woman Lynda Carter a few years back (did I drop a name? Oops, let me pick that up) and asked about those who spent countless hours twirling about, trying to transform ourselves into her television alter-ego as kids (like you didn’t), and how to recapture that moment in time today. Her response: “Go someplace where if you fall down, you won’t hurt yourself or
hit your head on something.” Too bad she didn’t mention this to producer David E. Kelley, whose NBC reimag- ining has Adrianne Palicki taking on the famous role and playing three different identities. There’s the title hero in her satin tights, fighting for our rights and the old Red,
White and Blue (ever notice the old show’s opening credits were really long?), corporate superwoman Diana Themyscira, and her assistant Diana Prince. Wow! Maybe they should go whole hog and re-christen it Multitasking Woman,
or just Super Sybil? Elizabeth Hurley has been cast as Veronica Cale; a bisexual villainess who is
reported to have an “erotic rivalry” (is there any other kind, really?) with Wonder Woman. In that respect, it’s kinda like the original, when Debra Winger played her sister Druscilla/Wonder Girl, (see above Kate Jackson reference). Plus, Hurley can possibly prescribe her some meds for her multiple personalities, as she runs a pharmaceutical corporation. Riveting! I think this incarnation sounds like an iffy prospect, but you never know. Early
news has it being revamped from its pilot premise. Good, I’m exhausted just writ- ing about all of her aliases—two are fine, really.
Don’t Mess With Texas! Here are the facts as I know them, as reports are pouring in, okay, trickling in from all
over the globe and world wide interweb. They are bringin’ ole S.O.B. J.R. Ewing (Larry Hagman), poor, poor Sue Ellen (Linda
Gray—yay!) and good guy Bobby Ewing (Patrick Duffy) back for the pilot of a Dallas remake for TNT. The actors must have watched Melrose Place, okay? The casting for the offspring of said Ewing brothers is still in the works as of this writ-
ing. But Jesse Metcalfe is up for playing Bobby’s adopted son Christopher and Josh Henderson as John Ross (his two-part name begins with a J and an R, you figure out who his father is). The new plot will revolve around a love triangle with the ranch cook’s daughter
(played Jordana Brewster, oh, not the help!) and arguing about the family fortune— the latter is old ten gallon hat for the series. Charlene Tilton (Lucy Ewing) is saying in interviews she’d love to reprise her role, but
hasn’t been asked—look for her new perfume “Desperation” coming soon. Oh, that’s mean, I loved her on the show, she had spunk and a lot of it, (nudge, wink). You really can’t take me anywhere. One person who should return is Victoria Principal as Pam Ewing. She originally
left the show and they made her character disfigured after a car accident. Have you seen the, uh, “trips to the doctor” she has made, as of late? They could totally write her back in. I’m on the Southfork ranch fence about this one. I hope they do seasons two through seven justice—they were the best ones. After that characters kept moving off to Europe. If it fails they can say it was all just a dream, just like Bobby’s death during season Seven was supposed to be. Stay tuned until 2013.
Cut. Print. That’s a Wrap! Comparisons aside, only ratings will delineate the fate of these televised versions
of sacred cows being slaughtered. We will also see how this plays out in the fall and beyond. Will I be watching? Hell, yes! I love me a good TV train wreck; that’s why I watch The Bad Girls Club. We’ll just have to take the good and take the bad. Speaking of…how about reworking The Facts of Life with Kathy Bates as Mrs. Garrett?
Eek! I got sucked into Hollywood thinking. It’s a madhouse! That was my inside voice, right? Um, no—when is it ever? Never! Until next time, that’s all of the news that’s fit to print.
APRIL 2011 | RAGE monthly 29
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