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That may be difficult for you to hear. I know I resisted the notion for a long time before I realised how empower- ing this belief actually is! The belief that we create our own reality is, again, nothing new: Gary Craig, inven- tor of EFT, puts it this way:


“Our consistent thoughts become our reality”


There are many other sayings that convey the same message: A favour- ite one of mine is by Susan Jeffers, author of “Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway”. She says:


“What you focus on flourishes!”


Now, I’m not saying that we would consciously choose something nega- tive to happen to us, but if we can take responsibility for any contribution we could have made towards creat- ing that situation, and then learn from it, it puts us in the position of Cause. And being in Cause is far more useful to us. Let me give you an example: Two years ago I had a bike accident. A driver turned right into a ‘No Right Turn’ road, as I was cycling past it. I ended up being thrown over my handlebars and landing on the ground face first. I sustained injures to my mouth and teeth and went through many months of pain, discomfort and dental work before my smile was restored to its former glory! Now, I could have had a real whinge about it: blaming the driver - it was all his fault! Woe is me! And so on. That, however, would put me in Effect. And of course I would feel totally justified giving all these reasons why I should feel indignant and outraged about this! Or I could see whether anything I had done contributed towards creating that situation, and what I could learn from it. Part of my responsibility was in just being there! If I hadn’t been there the driver wouldn’t have hit me - and the reason I was there was because of my conscious and unconscious choices: choosing to go that route rather than another; choosing to leave at the time I did; choosing to cycle rather than drive, (the accident could have been worse!!) etc. If I were to say that the driver who knocked me off was totally responsible, (well in the eyes of the law he was, which is why I got my compensation!) and it’s


because of him that I lost the even, white, front teeth that I used to have, then that would put me in Effect. This was done to me. Does that then mean that I should give the credit to the driver for me now having the money I needed to do my training and run my ‘Feel Better Therapies’ business? No, of course not! It was my choice to seek compensation and my choice what I did with the money. By putting myself at Cause, I can see that I did make a contribution to that accident, just by being there. The driver didn’t choose to knock me off my bike, but he did choose to turn right at a ‘No Right Turn’. That’s just his share of the responsibility pie. (And nobody can have the whole of that pie!) I also learned that - and this is the biggie!


“It’s not what happens to you, it’s how you respond to it that mat- ters!”


This is not a new idea: Viktor Frankl, a survivor of a Nazi concentration camp, and whose family was killed, said the following:


"We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that every- thing can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms -- to choose one's at- titude in any given set of circum- stances."


Once we realise we are personally re- sponsible for everything that happens in our life, we become responsible for everything that happens in our life.. and that is a position of great power! That is Cause. Note: Please don’t confuse ‘responsibility’ with ‘blame’. The latter is disempowering and nega- tive; the former is empowering and positive. You can’t change the past: what happened to you as a child, what happened to you last week, yester- day, what happened five minutes ago. You can, however, choose how you respond, and what you can learn from it. You could see 'responsibility' as the 'ability to choose your response'. This is one of the central messages of EFT.


Now, you may say that you cannot do that - that your feelings arise unbidden, and I agree with you.


Feelings are not wrong they just are. However, once you realise that the only person responsible for your in- ner experience is you..you can then choose what to do with those feelings, and how to take responsibility for them; and how to take control over them. Let me give you another example: If a member of my family says something to me one day, then, depending on how I feel, how tired I am, the time of the month etc., they will get a certain reaction. If they say the same thing on another occasion, they may get a completely different reaction! Does that mean they are responsible for my reac- tion? No! That member of my family – or anyone else - cannot be responsible for what they have no control over. (I.e. my reaction) They are only responsible for what they do and say. I am only responsible for what I do and say. And you are only responsible for what you do and say! This means you can only change yourself, and nobody else.


When you make changes in the way you respond to others, you will notice people respond differently to you any- way! As Gandhi said:


“I am responsible for the change I want to see in the world”


You can take some responsibility about when and how you ask of course! You may be able to gauge from someone’s mood when is the best time to say something, but you are still not respon- sible for how they choose to react.


Please let me know how you get on with what I have said in this article, and feel free to email me with any of your thoughts, questions or challenges!


laurajordan@feelbettertherapies.co.uk


Please visit my website and access your free special report:


“Why we are not living the Life of our Dreams – yet!”


www.feelbettertherapies.co.uk


AAMET LIFE SPRING 2011 www.aamet.org 35


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