DOSSIER SPRING-CLEAN YOUR LIFE
9. Clients usually have a whole lot more compassion for the other person; point this out as it engages the mind (thinking, magician) to start reshaping their experience; expect huge grief at this point as they (sometimes for the first time) acknowledge their pain from the event as well.
10. Once SUDS come down and compassion/forgiveness/love rises, associate them in the picture and/ or do an integration visualization where they embrace and re-unite with the younger part of themselves in a loving way.
Lovingly challenge their language when they talk in absolutes (I ALWAYS fail, NOBODY loves me, I will NEVER get over this) by asking curiously ‘Really? NOBODY loves you?’ or ‘How do you know that you will NEVER get over this?’
The more you do this the more you help them to consider the other side of the coin and to strengthen their neural pathways to think dif- ferently. Absolute thinking ALWAYS causes pain and if what we focus on expands (which it does) then this is a sure way to create suffer- ing for ourselves.
BEING ABLE TO TELL THE FUTURE When clients are adamant that they
can tell the future…and I’ve never been wrong … ever ever ever ever in my life … the truth is …. I don’t even know what my next thought is going to be … (think about it…)… so what if I’m wrong … what if this could change…I’ve been wrong be- fore … and even though I’d rather be right than happy … I’d love to be wrong on this one...’
When clients tell long stories, get comfortable with interrupting them with volition and on purpose.
often explain to new clients that EFT is unlike other therapy and ask them if it’s ok if I did everything I could to make sure they got the best out of our time together. Then I explain that means that sometimes I’ll interrupt them and ask them if that’s ok. They always say ‘yes’!
I think this is especially important with clients who have a history of not shifting ‘stuff’; if they’ve been to 23 therapists over 20 years and still have the same stuff then I’m not in the business of becoming therapist number 24 who can’t not help them. I believe that I have a responsibility to do what I can to shift them and sometimes, in my experience, that involves interrupt- ing them.
Interrupt them consciously and with intention:
- to tell them to start tapping (or that you will be tapping on them) while they tell the story
can tell the future (usually that bad things will happen e.g. I WILL end up hurt, they WILL reject me, this WONT work) use humour during the tapping, e.g. ‘Even though I
- if the story seems like a lot of de- tail without much emotion this may be their way to protect themselves from going there – especially true for shame based clients! - and you’ll do them a service by bringing them out of it
- as an intervention (provocative EFT) – get their energy levels up – more about this later
30 AAMET LIFE SPRING 2011 www.aamet.org
if you have ‘stuff’ about interrupting clients on purpose and with inten- tion, clear it – you won’t serve them by letting them tell you the same story week after week that they’ve been telling themselves and others for years.
KEEP IT SAFE, KEEP IT CONTENT FREE
Whenever you sense that you’re getting close to a place of shame with your client:
- make sure to tell/remind them that they don’t have to tell you anything personal or private
- be very observant of their bod- ies and eyes and keep reminding them to ‘stay with me’ if you sense they’re disappearing down the rab- bit hole of shame, pull them out of the event and back to the here and now
- if you’re not sure where your client is, ask them, ‘What are you think- ing, how do you feel, where are you now, who are you, how old are you now etc.’
MOVIE TECHNIQUE WITH A TWIST
I credit Bandler with this one, it’s an NLP technique with a twist and I al- ways have them tap while we do it.
Once they’ve got the movie (as per EFT), make sure that they have a place of safety before and after the movie, i.e. an actual memory of a time and place before and after the movie that they felt happy, or safe.
While tapping, get them to play the movie backwards and forwards in different ways
- always let them start and end in a place of safety
- change modalities 1. play it forwards faster and faster
2. play it backwards in black & white
3. play it forwards without sound 4. play it backwards while you
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