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eradicating shame


compulsion to lose more weight. I believe that deep shame is at least as dangerous is any other life threatening disease or condition and maybe even more so because we often do not recognize how the shame dynamic contracts their worlds around them until it seems that there is no way out.


The magician is about using our objectivity, our intelligence and our ability to detach. Here are some ways to use these qualities in the EFT and healing realms.


DETACHING


The shame based person can- not be objective about who they are; they cannot reason with their shame based thoughts from a place of shame just like someone cannot easily get out of quicksand without resources outside the quicksand.


The reason for this is simple: one of the functions of the unconscious mind is to delete, distort and gen- eralize; basically the unconscious mind will only pass on information to them consistent with their limit- ing view of themselves. Read more here about deletion, distortion and generalization:


www.designedthinking.com/Work- shops/NLP/ComModel/body_com- model.html


Since their shame-reality is as real to them as your reality to your, we need to pull them out of their shame-world, a world they totally identify with, to bring perspec- tive and healing. Sometimes this happens by default when we use standard EFT, and here are addi- tional ways to help:


NOTE: These notes are intended for practitioners already familiar with EFT; it is not intended as a training manual and you are strongly encouraged to find pro- fessional help if you experience


deep shame or are not familiar with these techniques.


ASSOCIATION/DISSOCIATION/1ST, 2ND AND 3RD PERSON TAPPING


Basic EFT rounds go ‘Even though I feel this shame I love and accept myself anyway…’


Our challenge as practitioners is to pull our shamed based clients out of themselves to create perspec- tive:


1. Dissociate them; ask them to imagine themselves on a screen behind you, on a wall over there or on a TV or cinema screen; let them imagine they have a remote control so they can turn it off at any time. If the presenting shame is about something that happened when they were younger, get them to imagine the younger version of them on the screen.


2. Do tapping on the person on the screen as if they were some- one else and creatively alternate through 1st, 2nd and 3rd person tapping


- Even though he feels ashamed about xyz I love and accept him anyway… / I’d like him to love and accept himself anyway


- Even though *person’s first name+ feels ashamed about xyz I love and accept him/her anyway / I’d like him/her to accept himself anyway


- After a few rounds ask them how the picture changes; sometimes even the events change


- I often ask them to look at the person on the screen and ask questions like


What do you think they’re thinking now?


How do you think they feel now?


Zoom in and look into their eyes – what do you see? …and tap anything that’s getting


in the way of healing.


3. If they say that their younger self in the picture still feels angry, ashamed etc but that they (as their present, adult selves) feel ok and accepting of the event this is progress AND it points to some- thing that still needs to be cleared; it often helps to associate them now (i.e. to get them to step into the younger self in the picture) and tap from that perspective.


Clients sometimes initially resist doing this as ‘tapping can’t change the past’ and I may move on during the session, make a note of it and either come back to it later or give it to them as homework; it ain’t done until their younger self in the picture sings!


4. Once the suds come down from a dissociated perspective (them looking at themselves in a picture), gently probe the SUD level from an associated perspective (them be- ing in the picture). Keep them dis- sociated while the SUDS are still high and only associate them once they come down and continue with the basic ‘Even though I…’


5. Ask them to imagine someone they care about or respect (dead or alive, real or imaginary) on the screen


6. Ask them to imagine that person having just gone through the same shameful experience as them and/ or to imagine that that person feels about themselves the same way the client feels about themselves (ashamed). This will (often uncon- sciously) bring a radically new per- spective/reframe (see point about compassion below.)


7. Do some tapping for the other person in 2nd and 3rd person; (even though they… and even though [first name])


8. After a few rounds ask them how the picture changes and work with what shows up.


AAMET LIFE SPRING 2011 www.aamet.org 29


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