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supportive of sabotage. I changed the set up to reflect that I was addressing a ‘part’ of me and I reframed the idea of sabotage as protection. ‘Even thought there’s a part of me that still wants to protect me and this is the best way it knows how, I deeply and completely accept that part. Even though there’s a part of me that’s keeping me awake because it’s scared of what will happen if I succeed, I deeply and completely accept all parts of myself.

Even though parts of me are in conflict about staying stuck and moving for- ward I accept myself and this conflict and I wonder if it’s possible for those parts to be in communication now’.

After this round I felt a profound sense of gratefulness to this part, or parts, rather than anger and frustration. I had an awareness that some very important work was being carried out, that something significant was begin protected or I wouldn’t be having a serious symptom like insomnia. I there- fore continued tapping while directly addressing this part. ‘I’d like to say thank you so much for protecting me, I appreciate what you are doing for me, I appreciate what you have done for me. We have been through so much and I wouldn’t be here without you. I know you are working so hard to protect me and to keep me safe and I’m acknowl- edging that now. I really do love and appreciate and accept all parts of myself and I honour them for the work that they do. And I’m here now just to witness and listen to any part that needs to be heard. I’m here now and I can share anything that needs to be shared. And if you want, and if it feels ok, I am also here to help.’

At this point I just stopped talking and continued to tap in silence, with no expectations.

Just making the intention and con- nection to be with a part, and then allowing a space is so important, both for us and for our clients. An empty space will invite the other to enter in. And this is what happened for me. I began to hear, or feel, these words very faintly, ‘So cold, so cold’. This first offering from a part, or from someone’s subconscious, is like a tiny thread that may then lead to something more, so we just take it as it presents itself and

reflect it back with tapping. ‘So cold, so cold, so cold, so cold’, I tapped on

each of the points. We just honour each word or sensation as it occurs, accepting it as complete in itself, being mindful not to analyse or guess or leap ahead.

My reward for doing this was then that the face of a 3-year-old girl appeared, her skin was blue, frozen with cold perhaps, her lips were purple and I re- alized with a shock that she was dead. I could sense that she was lying down but at the first the image was too dark to see anything else. So I simply took what I was given and reflected it back, ‘There is a girl, I see her face, her skin is blue and frozen, she’s lying down, she’s dead. At this point I began to feel afraid. I hadn’t yet come across an internal part in therapy that was dead, so I then paid attention to my core self and reflected those feelings of fear and insecurity. ‘I’m afraid, I don’t know what to do, there is sweat prickling in my armpits, I feel I can’t reach her, I feel the desperateness of that in my stom- ach like a hollow rock, I don’t know what to do.’

At this point I really didn’t know what to do, should I wait until I was in therapy or continue tapping by myself? My partner came into the room just then and so I explained what was happen- ing and asked her if she would tap with me, and help me by repeating what I said, so that I could hear it reflected. So we began with me describing the image to her exactly as I saw it. ‘There’s a young girl, she’s blue, she’s frozen, she’s lying down, and her arm is pointing upwards.’ Immediately she asked, ‘What’s the significance of her pointing arm? Do you want to move her somewhere else?’ I was shocked how brutal and disturbing these ques- tions felt. They were dragging me into a cognitive state of mind that I just didn’t want to be in, which just felt completely ‘wrong’.

II told her that we just have to witness what is happening, accepting all parts of the image and the process, and perhaps just ask some very simple questions like, what is happening now? I told her to ask questions that would help her to see what I’m seeing.

And this is what we must all remember 14 AAMET LIFE SPRING 2011

when working with clients. It’s very easy to get caught up in our favourite protocol or procedure but next to the clients experience none of that mat- ters. We don’t have to ‘do’ anything, we don’t have to feel as though we need to achieve something special or impose anything on the client’s proc- ess. If we are fully present and tapping, what they’re experiencing will change and as it changes their cognition about that experience will change, even their memory of it will change, naturally, easily and individually in a way that is safe and right for them. The client is the expert on themselves, and given the opportunity, their subconscious will lead them toward healing and release more effectively and more safely than anything we could possibly plan or think of.

And so my partner and I just sat together and tapped as she asked me very simple questions. ‘What do you see now? What else do you notice?’ ‘It’s blue; everything is blue, the light, the girl, the road. She’s wearing a nighty and she’s lying on the road. It feels like there’s been a car accident. And it’s very cold, it’s so cold.’ And then I started to cry, because it was so cold and she was so cold and I couldn’t help her. ‘Can you touch her?’ my part- ner asked. ‘No’, I replied, ‘I’m afraid, I don’t want to feel her skin, I don’t want to admit I’m connected to her, or admit responsibility for her, I don’t know what to do.’ I repeated each of my answers and insights several times in order to get to a good few tapping points for each. Then my partner asked, ‘What’s happening now?’

‘It’s starting to snow’, I said, ‘Maybe I can put a blanket over her. I can do that; I can do that to help her. Now I’m resting my head against her chest, we’re together in the snow, and the snow is getting deeper, but it’s still so hopeless, now she’s buried and I will be too. It’s so cold.’ And we continued to sit together with this feeling of hope- lessness, tapping continuously.

Part Four – Darkness Transforms

After sitting and tapping with the dev- astating feeling of hopelessness for a while, allowing that to be my total focus I suddenly became aware of a change. There was a figure moving into the im-

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