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The courage to be present

over the phenomenon that just as soon as I have had a personal breakthrough or discovered a new technique or vari- ation to help myself, I have been called on to use that learning, sometimes im- mediately afterwards, with a client.

Jessica Mór talked about her journey with EFT at the Northern EFT Gathering, Craiglands Hotel, Ilkley, January 2011.

What follows is a transcript of her talk.

Part One – A State of Chaos

I’d like to talk to you today about how EFT has helped me to overcome seri- ous mental health challenges in the hopes that increasing numbers of us will feel able to bring our knowledge and experience to this field. I will tell you a little of my own story and I’ll go into some detail about how I have used tapping to facilitate my recovery over the past year. Hopefully you will be able to extract something useful from this to use in your own practice with yourself or with others.

I feel as though I have had a bit of a whirlwind romance with EFT, as do many of us when we are first intro- duced to it! I have had to adapt how I worked with it but I have also stayed true to the core principles as taught to me so soundly by Gwyneth Moss and as I interpreted them from Gary Craig’s training DVD’s. I’ll give you some examples of the ways in which I have worked with myself and of how that has changed over time. I have found that working with myself has been incredibly useful, crucial even; to the work I have done with clients. We are only able to go with someone as far as we have been ourselves, the further I can go with my own healing and devel- opment, the further I can accompany another. I have experienced over and

I had experienced an almost continual state of anxiety, depression and dis- sociation, interspersed with periods of feeling well, sometimes too well and slightly manic, since my early teens. I was absolutely convinced that if I went to the Doctor and told her what was really going on in my head that I would be locked up. So I didn’t. I kept a very tight lid on what was really go- ing on even from myself. For a lot of the time, and for many years, I man- aged to present a ‘good’ picture to the outside world that was very different to the internal chaos and struggle that was really going on. What was really going on was a very mixed picture. I was experiencing an internal world that was chaotic, confused, fragmented and ever changing. I felt different all the time, sometimes within the hour, definitely within a day. I could feel like dying, flying, screaming, laughing or running away. And of course the way I thought I could help myself with this changed all the time too.

Over the years I tried ‘sensible’ things that weren’t always that helpful, like Counseling, Psychotherapy, Psycho- analysis, Reiki, Spiritual Healing, Homeopathy, Diet, Exercise and DIY. I also tried not so sensible things that always felt helpful (at the time!) but were distressing for the people around me, like binge drinking, shopping, shoplifting, self harm, risky behaviour and crazy schemes. This state of anxi- ety and inner chaos was very tiring and meant that I never really got anywhere because I was always changing the goalposts, and the field, and the foot- ball…but it was something that I just coped with. he depression was another matter. When the depression came it bought with it other ‘mad’ feelings. Feeling like I wasn’t real, or attached to my body, or feeling as though the world wasn’t real, or feeling as though the world wasn’t safe, there was no clean air to breathe and everyone was out to get me.

Because I was so afraid of being locked up I didn’t go to see a Doctor

about what I was experiencing until I was in my late 20’s. From then on my involvement with mental health serv- ices was a mixed blessing, at times I was grateful for the medication as it provided respite from intolerable feel- ings and did prevent me from killing myself. At other times it seemed to make what I was experiencing worse or I was so heavily medicated that I could not function as a parent, wife or human being. Every time I went to see a new Doctor, Psychologist or Psy- chiatrist they would change or alter my diagnosis. A diagnosis can be partially useful in that it can help you and other people better understand or empathise with your experience, it also enables you to connect wit other people who share similar experiences to you. Men- tal and emotional confusion can feel very isolating and any experience of community, whether real or virtual, will help you to feel more connected and hopeful.

The relationship that I have with my current diagnosis is one of interested nonattachment. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Dissociative Identity Disorder describe my experiences and internal world better than any disorder I’ve yet been labeled with, however I don’t want my identity to become bound up by them. And as I move further and further into wellness I also object to the term ‘disorder’. As I see it my madness has been a mysterious and magical force for good, which has protected me in the very best way it possibly could. Even the darkest parts of my journey and the most terrifying of my inner people have transformed into my wisest and most thorough teach- ers.

When I first started using EFT it was purely as an anti-anxiety medication. I had been sent away from an EMDR therapist who felt that she was unable to help me, with Gwyneth Moss’s ABC tapping sheet. Little did this woman know just how helpful she had been. I used the 3 point calmer just on it’s own and was amazed. I had never found anything that could have that kind of immediate, long lasting effect, except for tranquilisers, and even those lose their efficacy over time. Everyone is amazed when they discover EFT for the first time but for someone who had


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