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by Matt Simpson Siegel |

Ain’t No Thing Like a Buffalo Wing

March: the fresh, most happenin’ barbecue chicken wing season, dude- bro, is also b-ball time. Way? Way! Avoid the bung for rad, big-time taste in boku bohunk bites before wiggin’. If a scosche remains, bogart that tray if you can and make a b-line to Brohemia. Serious tang-age preferred for first round; sweet and sour second round; whatever if Duke makes the Sweet Sixteen, spicy if Temple makes Elite Eight. Big time bonus for the Final Four, duders — go for a smokey sauce or you’re a spaz. Psych! You’re mondo shibby, koozbanes. —from Dudebro Almanac for 1988

bleu cheese for the animal abusing omnivores. The fact that Stella’s doesn’t even try to compensate for the meat is dastardly excellent and refreshing. Must Eat: Poor Man’s “Chicken Wings.”

Sit down and enjoy the atmosphere and the games without

should visit these West Michigan eateries for your March Madness buffalo wing cravings.


Dare I say that the vegans in West Michigan have trumped all of us meat-eating buzzards to a tasty dish? There must be an addictive additive in the wings at STELLA’S LOUNGE (53 Commerce Ave., Grand Rapids) – and it isn’t meat. Here, everything you know about vegan cuisine is wrong, because it all tastes better than any frozen 10-month-old bag of pro- cessed chicken chunks found at the back of a corporate chain’s thawed-out freezer. Come for the appetizing chicken wings, which are actually deep-fried potato wedges served with a mild or hot sauce (go hot!) with a side of vegan ranch or non-vegan


EFORE I TRY TO FIND investors for my get-rich- quick scheme (No. 437: “Feeding Thalidomide to Buffaloes to Harvest Baby Buffalo Flippers as Real Buffalo Wings for Commercial Consumption”) and corner the regional wild wing market, shutting out all competition, you

a grand mal seizure due to becoming overly stimulated by tacky flare and flashy lights at the STATION GRILL (910 W. Broadway Ave., Muskegon) for a more laidback NCAA viewing experience. Modeled after a 1950s gas station, this haunt has been stuffing buffalo wings down the throats of the hungry since 1972. Four variations on the chicken/buffalo wing theme may cause a brain aneurism during the decision making process, and they are all doused in a family secret sauce in Original, Hot ‘n Tangy or Volcanic. Must Eat: Buffalo Wings (in Original, Hot ‘n Tangy or Volcanic); Boneless Buffalo Sticks (same as the Buffalo Wings minus those pesky bones); Wing Dings (Breaded chicken in Mustard, Sweet/Sour, Honey, Cajun White or BBQ); Chicken Stix (similar to the Wing Dings but in breast strip form). Also Worth Trying: Buffalo Chicken Sandwich (breaded chicken dipped in the sauce of your choice along with ranch or bleu cheese).

Want to bring home some premium finger-lickin’ faux-buffalo chicken wings? The 17 sauces at Grand Rapids’ darling chain

WING HEAVEN (1808 Monroe NW; 1405 Burton St. SE; 3648 S. Division Ave.; 6101 Lake Michigan Dr.) is available at the four locations peppered about the city. It’s all about the signature sauces here, and the chicken is fresh (never frozen), marinated by cherubim and seraphim in a secret seasoning that I imagine God sent with Michael a week before opening. Never charred beyond recognition like other places do it up, these wings are so good I dare you to go with the Plain Fried. Scratch that. I’m telling you to order the Plain Fried to see what you miss when you over-drench with sauce. Signature Sauces of Note: Sweet Raspberry Pepper, Garlic Parmesan, Mango Habenero, Scorching.

See more in our dining section on page 53!

The Green Table-owned OLD BURDICK’S (100 W. Michigan Ave.; 2747 S. 11th St.; 3600 Vanrick Dr.; 5076 Sports Dr.,) chain has been doing wings right since 1991 for the masses of Kalamazoo. If you have a gang of ravenous college basketball fanatics, Old Burdick’s can accommodate you for the March 13 Sunday

Selection for the first round. Remember, kids eat free, and half-off for students (who have their own special menu) with a legit college ID—I may actually make a fake for this deal alone. Must Eat: Old Burdick’s Wings (15 unbreaded chicken wings with choice of sauce); Breaded Wing Dings (10 breaded chicken wings); Boneless Chicken Wings (10 breaded with sauce). Signature Sauces of Note: Sweet Chili, Sweet Bourbon Glaze, Jamaican Jerk. n


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