Quantum
HEALTH
Issue 9 February 2011
How do you extend yourself to serve a Higher Purpose? If the purpose of relationships is growth, rather than happiness, many of the problems that plague relationships start to make sense. Unfortunately, a popular thought-virus infects people into believing that love means getting your needs met. Confusion begins with the honeymoon stage of a love affair, when happiness overflows because this perfect person you’ve met seems to meet all your needs. This is what the love songs promise! Your partner seems fascinating, irresistible, a special creature above and beyond all mortals. Not only are they lovable, desirable, fun, sexy and exciting, but they can do no wrong. As long as both people keep pulling out the stops with their desire to please each other, the intensity of happy feelings feels infinite. Until the heartbreak occurs.
Sooner or later, both people fall back into more normal behaviour patterns, unable to maintain those high levels of passion. Although the wonderful attributes of your partner are still noticed and appreciated in every way, you no longer do all the things you did before—and neither does your partner. Even worse, what used to delight you starts to feel commonplace. Both begin to take each other for granted. Gradually, although the relationship feels comfortable, there is a tendency to slip into expectation. What used to spell pleasure and a treat, now becomes a duty that should be done. You forget about appreciation and only notice when your partner doesn’t do what you have come to expect. Your needs are no longer being
met.For the faint hearted, this spells the end of the relationship; for others, it is the beginning of power struggles and fights; and for the majority it leads to a dead zone. For example, one unhappy gal reached the stage in her relationship where there were more complaints than compliments. She and her man bickered over petty things. It no longer felt like the love story that had drawn them together. She felt he no longer put her first. He wasn’t there for her anymore when she needed support. He seemed distant and unappreciative. The magic was gone. Could there be any remedy?
If relationships are about growth, what did she need to learn? She felt hurt, disappointed and angry. Since he no longer did the little things that used to make her feel special and loved, she
20 Quantum Health
decided he didn’t love her anymore. Neither did he seem to respect or value her. What she didn’t realise was that she was confusing love with getting her needs met. He wasn’t making her feel significant and special enough.
So the obvious question to ask was ‘what had she forgotten, or what was she pretending not to know, that allowed this situation to develop?’ She thought deeply before answering. Then she said that it felt like she had forgotten who she was. It was as if she was expecting her man to fortify her self-esteem in some way. Like she had given him the job of making her feel good, which is, of course, inappropriate. She had stepped off her centre. How could she get back on track?
Using neurolinguistic programming (NLP) techniques, it was possible to explore many different ways to help her find her way back to her centre. When she turned her attention fully into the centre of her being, her feeling of connectedness strengthened. She began to feel more focused, and much more present in the moment. Her anger and hurt evaporated. She also realised her boyfriend’s behavior was merely a cover-up and his real feelings probably mirrored her own. Then she remembered that many years ago, she had made a vow to herself to speak and act with compassion. How could she have forgotten! As she practiced maintaining her focus on her centre and reconnected with her true significance, she recommitted to holding the intention of compassion once again and grew more confident that the relationship could be rekindled.
© Arielle Essex
Arielle works as a specialist healer, coach and trainer combining practical psychology, NLP, hypnosis, non-verbal intelligence, and emotional intelligence into her own unique ‘Practical Miracles’ coaching approach. She holds full certification as a NLP master practitioner and trainer, hypnotherapy and time line re-imprinting, coaching, NVI (non- verbal intelligence), EI (emotional intelligence), cranial/sacral work, allergy therapy, naturopathy, kinesiology, as well as using NES.
The Practical Miracles elite NLP trainings combine learning with in-depth personal development work. The next specialist group begins early March. Please contact.
info@practicalmiracles.com &
www.practicalmiracles.com 020 7622 4670
www.quantumhealthmagazine.com
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