Quantum
HEALTH
Issue 9 February 2011 “ D Arielle Essex
You weave the tapestry of your life
with one thread of passion at a time. Alan Cohen, author
The Confusing Tapestry of Love
oesn’t our culture seem obsessed with the concept of love? Starting from children’s stories of fairy princesses and handsome Prince Charmings, an idea pervades that it’s impossible to be truly happy without that special person to ‘complete’ you. This concept fuels countless industries.
Everywhere you go, pop music, TV, movies, and magazines bombard you with love songs, love stories, and love advice. Wear the right make-up, perfume, deodorant or clothes, drive the right car, and go on the right holidays, and fulfill this fantasy. Filmmakers know every insecurity, every desired dream, every formula for hooking these ideals of romance. Where can you meet the right person, how can you be sure they are the right person, and how can you get them to love you? Are you attractive enough? Do they tick all your boxes? Will it last or will they break your heart?
Just what is this phenomenon of love all about? The Beatles once admitted during an interview, ‘we sing a lot about love, but everyone knows we mean sex.’ And sex is only one of the many needs people hope to get fulfilled in a relationship. Unfortunately this confusion between love and getting needs met causes a great deal of problems. Even when love is present in a relationship, the fights over getting your needs met can completely obscure the true feelings of love underneath. Or without being consciously
18 Quantum Health
aware of those unmet needs, you just start feeling unhappy, unfulfilled or unsatisfied.
There is nothing wrong with having needs. As long as you live in a physical body, you can’t survive without air, water, warmth, food and love.
According to author Anthony Robbins, people have six basic needs that drive behaviour:
1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6.
Certainty
Uncertainty Significance
Connection, Love Growth
Contribution
Of course, you don’t need a special relationship to meet these needs. The problem starts when love gets confused with the other needs. Lots of people have difficulty finding a partner because they are actually looking for someone to meet a long list of other needs on their checklist. They are not looking for love. How often do you hear people complain about how their partner doesn’t make them feel secure, holds them back from being free and adventurous, doesn’t respect or value them, doesn’t communicate, inhibits their growth or prevents them living the life of their dreams?
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