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For families whose children seem to have been born to sail the rough seas, never having seemed to have healed from the disconnect of their birth, I am with you. Know that you are not alone. We too have a lot to be proud of even if our kids don’t always follow the straight course, instead choosing to take many detours often resulting in trauma for them and their families. They are our kids, with good hearts, strong character and we love them fiercely. I can remember my parents saying to me, and then Joel and I saying to our kids – it is the days that you make poor decisions and the days that you test the limits of our patience that we have to love you the most!


I believe that dysfunction creates adoption. I believe that is it our responsibility as adoptive parents to integrate our children’s birth histories – medical and social – into the lives of our children. If heart disease runs in the birth history then it is best for your child and his/her doctor to be aware of this. If addiction runs in your child’s birth history then it is important to appropriately make your child aware of this. Maybe your child’s best friend can go to the back field and drink a six pack of beer and realize that all that results is a bad hangover, but for your child the six pack might lead to another six pack and another and, possibly, over time an addiction.


On a lighter note, my daughter’s birthmother was belly dancing when she went into labor so when my daughter would dance her way through the grocery store I would tell her that she got her beautiful dancing ability from her birthmother. Our children have two families – it is our responsibility to make sure that they reap all of the benefits from both!


And as to being perfect parents…stop worrying…they don’t exist. But what does exist is our commitment to do our best to raise our children. Sometimes we make mistakes and sometimes we have regrets, but at all times our love is steadfast. And when things get tough we need not be afraid or embarrassed to seek out help.


THE RESOURCES LISTED IN THIS DIRECTORY ARE UNSCREENED AND SHOULD NOT BE VIEWED AS RECOMMENDATIONS OR ENDORSEMENTS, EITHER EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, BY THE AFA. 77


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