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maybe sharing a joke. But most important be a good listener even if you’ve heard it too many times repeated. Pause to listen to your partner and validate what he/she is saying even if you don’t agree. “I hear you, I understand”. Show respect, sensitivity, and caring. Don’t forget physical affection and touch. It’s not the sex; it’s the intimacy and you can be creative. Respect each other’s need for alone time and check-in with one another often…”I’m here; let me know if you’d like to talk.”


A few days together and a change in environment w/o unsolicited advice can be helpful. For others the necessary return to motherhood if other children are present, and/or assuming out-of-the-home work roles, engaging in distractions with friends, working-out if physically ready, yoga, a continuing ed course “just because”, can all be beneficial.


Read and research how others managed to move on. For example journaling your feelings and reactions, speaking with physicians and counselors, and allowing oneself to mourn and be pampered, all aid in making one’s way through this journey. Pay tribute, acknowledge your loss, and be conscious of what feels right in saying good-bye or offering closure. Some couples choose to name their baby and have a reference for talking about him/her, have a memorial service either alone or with family and friends who are invited to share poems and thoughts, plant a tree, have a memory box or drawer, candles or perhaps a poem as rituals. No judging, no right and wrong choices; whatever gives you comfort and solace. Just be aware that due dates coming closer or anniversary (“angelversary”) dates, can intensify the sense of loss.


NEXT STEPS Where do we go from here? Is it possible to have a healthy child? Will the next pregnancy be equally or more difficult? These are realistic concerns. It is helpful to secure information as to why this occurred. Prior to another pregnancy or making future plans,


remind yourselves that you have much to give, and you’ll be nurturing and loving parents.


Some folks attempt another pregnancy as soon as able while others see it best to take a 3 to 6 month hiatus from baby-making if they have the time to do so. A few are cautious, fearful, and stuck while continuing to have unresolved guilt and pain over their losses. But thankfully most muster their courage and


persevere promising that they will make this happen! “We’ll move ahead to have everything we want. We have the ability to be good and nurturing parents.”


Familiarize yourself and consult with the many options and choices available in regard to becoming parents. Will it be more infertility treatments, adoption, donor, or surrogacy? Then evaluate the course of action which will be best for both of you and know that making a decision is a process usually taking some time to discuss and review with the help of physicians and


THE RESOURCES LISTED IN THIS DIRECTORY ARE UNSCREENED AND SHOULD NOT BE VIEWED AS RECOMMENDATIONS OR ENDORSEMENTS, EITHER EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, BY THE AFA. 111


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