The Rage Monthly: As a pioneering performer you introduced female angst into stand-up comedy, do you see yourself as an artist? Joan Rivers: Oh, honey are you out of your mind? I am disgusted by the preten- tiousness of people who self-identify themselves as an artist. Oh please! They do needlepoint or make candles. To them I say, “Shut the hell up!”


Rage: Do you give a lot of thought to your creative process? JR: I don’t know I’m doing it all the time. I write, as well as perform. I’m fashion


police. Melissa and I have a new show coming out January 25 on WE Entertainment called “Joan and Melissa.” So I’m constantly looking and constantly writing and jot- ting jokes down.


Rage: Would your career have the same longevity if you began today or are we only interested in “instant” celebrities? JR: That’s a wonderful question, but I haven’t a clue. I don’t even know... I still


think, yes. I think the ones who are going to survive are those who have the talent, not the instant celebrity who are the ones made by big breasts, who claim,”I’m a real housewife.” Who cares? They’re New Jersey trash who will come and will also go away much quicker. The ones from Glee who are real performers, they will be around. They’re performers who know what they’re doing and will survive.


Rage: You’ve always been very open about your personal life throughout your career, with no other “Joan,” no private self who seems to be lurking beneath the mask. Why is that? JR: Because as a comedian there is no mask. You really put it out there. As an actor


you can go into a part and play Jesus Christ on stage, yet in real life you’re the mean- est son of a bitch...but if you are a good actor they say it’s wonderful. A comedian, however, you stand there and you talk to them and you really talk about your life. So as a comedian they really learn a lot more about you—if you’re a good come- dian—than they do about an actor. We really haven’t got a clue what Angelina Jolie is like. Really, not a clue except that she buys all these horrible little children.


Rage: You’re career has survived several decades with many reinventions alongside countless celebrities. Who have you enjoyed working with the most? Why? JR: Always a comic! The comics are a joy because we get it, we know it. We are usually not just driven by the money, but the laughs. We can be on stage and even if the lights aren’t working we can be hysterical and make light of a situation. They’re pleasant, funny and know its all nonsense. It’s just a very different mind- set when you’re working with comedians. I’ve never worked with anybody I’ve despised. I’d get out of it. Life is too short.


Rage: On that note, you’ve been very open about your husband, Edgar Rosenberg, committing suicide. Yet, you’ve been badgered for sometimes taking a more lighthearted stance. Why did you turn your husband’s suicide into a joke? JR: It’s about getting through life. So, if people want to kill themselves, then let’s make a joke. That’s how I handle everything—and I mean everything! If I would’ve been one of the last people in Auschwitz, there no doubt I would’ve been making jokes about gas. Laughter is my way of life and I handle things through humor. God gave us humor and that’s what life is about. Humor lifts our spirits and it pushes you forward. That’s how I do it and if other people don’t like it, then they can go kill themselves. I’m not interested!


Rage: Humor clearly kept your spirits high. What advice can you offer to others struggling to cope with life after losing somebody to suicide? JR: The fact is that it was one of the major knocks of my life, and also the cause of


one of my emotional growth spurts. I learned that I could be on my own and have a new way of life. But the guilt never goes away. Still, it’s important for people who are suicide survivors to know that no matter what anybody thinks or says, they had nothing to do with it. I’ve worked very hard with suicide survivors. Anybody who’s a


survivor needs to understand that if they were going to do it, then they were going to do it no matter what.


Rage: Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work was recently released on DVD. It’s real life documentary, but who would you want to see portray you in a movie about your life? JR: I hope that it’d be someone beautiful like Scarlett Johansson, but with my luck


it’d be Betty White. That bitch has come back from the dead and is taking it all! That old bitch! We’re all so upset!


Rage: At one point in your documentary, you show the camera a blank page in your appoint- ment book, saying, “I’ll show you fear.” What exactly are you’re so afraid of? JR: What everyone fears—unemployment! I don’t want to be an old bag lady on the street, so I fear what everybody fears and that’s unemployment.


Rage: Any thoughts on the way the current administration is dealing with unemployment? JR: They’re all morons. They’re all idiots and we should get rid of them all and put


Donald Trump in. He’d straighten them out. God bless Donald Trump, I’ve become such good friends with him. No nonsense, Donald Trump and Mayor Bloomberg will straighten out the entire world in 48 hours. That’s my ticket: Trump-Bloomberg 2012.


Rage: There is clearly an ageist double standard in the industry, where men grow old grace- fully on screen and women either stop working or have to get surgery. Do you think you play into this double standard? JR: I don’t play into it. In fact I think I raged against it. However, you must accept it in the industry. People don’t want to see Michelle Pfeiffer looking old. Elizabeth Taylor, I don’t want to see who she looks like now. I want to see her looking beauti- ful. So what you do is you fix yourself up. For those able to fix themselves up, how absolutely wonderful is that, that you can do it!


Rage: You say you’ve had so much plastic surgery, when you die they will donate your body to Tupperware. Just how many plastic surgeries have you had over the years? JR: I have no idea because I didn’t do big ones. I always did little teeny-tiny ones


where you could literally walk out of the doctor’s office and be on the stage the next day. Several times I’ve said, can you just fix this? Can we just do a little something here or there? That’s the way people should do it. I mean, seriously, you polish your car every day. You vacuum your rug don’t you? So why not take care of your face if you can?


Rage: Life is all about context. Where do you see your career in the world of comedy? JR: I don’t care! And that’s the honest truth. I just come on stage and when I’m


done I just want my audience to walk out saying, “That’s the best night of comedy I’ve ever had in my life.” That’s all I care about.


Rage: What a beautiful thing it is to be able to look at life through the lens of humor as you have. I want to give a special “thank you” to you for all your candor and support you’ve given to our community, and to all of your many audiences throughout the years. JR: Totally! It gets you through it. It gets you through everything. Wow, what an especially interesting conversation we’ve had here. Thank you for that. Remember to tell your readers they can give back to me by sending me money! Or, hell, the gays can come over and decorate my apartment! Just do something to show your support.


Rage: Well I think a great start would be to buy a ticket to see you live on stage at the Balboa Theatre in Downtown San Diego on Saturday, January 15. JR: Seriously, you got it!


San Diego Theatres presents An Evening with Joan Rivers at the Balboa Theatre on Saturday, January 15. For tickets and more information, visit SanDiegoTheatres.org.


JANUARY 2011 | RAGE monthly 21


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