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In Big Strife With The Wife By Todd Maguire Trippin’ With Todd


oday is going to be a scorch- er.’ The newsreader forecast over the crackling AWA wireless in the kitchen. ‘So for my money, the safest bet would be to head to the beach.’


‘T


Colin finished the last of his cup of tea as he gnawed on a gener- ously vegemited piece of toast. He rubbed his chin and figured the hard day ahead driving that fork lift truck down at the docks. ‘It’s gonna be a hot one they reckon, love.’ His wife was always matter of fact. ‘Better make sure that boss of yours doesn’t work you guys too hard.’ She handed him the morning paper and sat at the table. ‘Hard work’ and ‘The Waterfront’ didn’t mix too well in Col’s eyes. The loving wife diligently packed a few sandwiches and a thermos of cool lemon juice placing them in his work bag. With a kiss on the cheek, Col headed out to brave the elements.


As he headed down to the tram stop he almost tripped over a dog on its back sucking whatever he could out of a garden tap. It sure was bloody hot. ‘A great day to be at the beach,’ he thought. Col waited for the tram to the city as the bitumen road before him seemed to be melting into the haze. Beyond the tram tracks, Col noted the public phone. A great idea sprung to mind.


He rattled a coin into the phone and the operator connected him with his work supervisor.


‘Sorry boss.’ Colin bunged on the croakiest voice he could muster. ‘I can’t make it today. I’ve think I’ve caught a bit of a bug.’


That was just too easy he figured heading to the beach with a spring in his step.


Bondi Beach surely was the only place to be. There was hardly an empty spot on the sand and the waves were rolling in perfectly for a bodysurf. Colin set up his chair and took on the full brunt of the


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sun. It was hard work maintaining his tanned good looks. A few of his mates who didn’t like to work too hard had exactly the same idea. They spent the better part of the day sunning and swimming, chew- ing the fat and generally leading the life of Riley.


You couldn’t have asked for a better day as the lads headed home via the pub. It was thirsty work so a couple of frosty ones capped the day off nicely. They swilled a couple at breakneck speed before the clock struck six; closing time.


Colin returned to his loving wife at the customary time of a quarter after six. ‘Just what my man needs following a hard day’s work.’ He was greeted warmly with a kiss and a well received dinner of steak, chips and salad. The hearty meal was accompanied by a full glass of Tooths Dinner Ale. Colin slept like a log and was enjoying his morning cup of tea listening to the AWA wireless. Storming through the front door with the morning newspaper folded under her arm came his wife. She had a look on her face that would have scared young children in the Easter Show’s haunted house. She belted Colin over the back of the head with the paper and threw it down in front of him.


‘What the hell are you doing woman!’ His cup of tea spilled over the table. He definitely had no comeback to this one. Embla- zoned over the front page of The Sunday Telegraph was a photo of yesterday’s super crowded Bondi Beach. And who do you think was slap bang in the middle reading the Randwick form guide? A young tanned man named Colin! It took almost a month of flowers, chocolates and nice restaurants to get the wife back onside. Colin learnt that you can fool some people most of the time, but you had to get up pretty early in the morning to fool the loving wife.


the Beast • 79


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