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Rupert’s Rant


the people of the east to choose pets over procreation in order to control our population. As far as I’m concerned kids are no longer kosher in this part of Australia’s coastline.


And who would have thought, but it seems that a few people have already taken a stance down Double Bay way. I re- cently overheard a young couple scolding their tiny pooch ‘Oliver’, a Cavoodle pup I believe, after it went wee-wees in the street. It was dressed nicely in colours matching its owner and as she pick it up and hugged it too her bosom I could have sworn she began breast-feeding the little canine.Now in normal circum- stances, I would have thought, ‘How odd!’, but in this modern world of green bags and energy saving light bulbs it was more


The Child You Conceive Is Killing The Earth Rupert Truscott-Hughes


aybe The Fauves had it right when they sang ‘Dogs are the best people.’ Have human beings lost their lustre? Surely six and a half billion people is more than enough for this world of ours to have to support, isn’t it? In Australia we kill our national icon when it reaches supposed ‘plague’ proportions and surely there are more of us than them - should I be reaching for the shotgun? I can certainly think of a few acquaintances of mine that are more than disposable. It seems that the Earth is dying at a rate strongly correlated to global population growth but Al Gore said stuff-all about put- ting a stop to procreation in his (campaign?) video. All he gives a shit about are carbon emis-


M 72 • the Beast


sions. People are causing the problem, the more people the bigger the problem, so therefore people need to be replaced with a greener alternative or simply made to disappear.


Rupert is pushing for the people of the east to choose pets over procreation in order to control our population. As far as I’m concerned kids are no longer kosher in this part of Australia’s coastline...


Anyway, enough of the poli-


tics, I think I have the solution and it starts right here in the eastern suburbs - Rupert is pushing for


a case of just another eastern suburbs couple doing their bit for global warming.


Of course, there could be a few downsides to this somewhat extreme approach. Unfortunately dogs and whining dog owners come hand in hand for a start. And then there’s the problem of the poo, but I guess with the under supply of children there’ll be an oversupply of nappies, so dogs in designer diapers might just become the new norm. But regardless, there is a need for change and that change is needed right now. So before you bed down and bump uglies with your better half please remem- ber, the child you conceive is killing the Earth - get a puppy instead!


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