This page contains a Flash digital edition of a book.
Pearls Of Wisdom How To Survive Lent... Clovelly Style By Pearl from Clovelly


ith Pearl’s column into its third year, I’m beginning to consider myself a bit of an expert on trends - what’s hot in “The C Road” (that is, Clovelly Road to the unfashionable), what colour bugaboo is a must have (latte), what brand of organic milk is the hippiest, where to hold one’s baby shower (Bondi Social), what car to buy (twin cab utes for the YM) and which architect is the go for the parent’s retreat. So, it’s only fitting for me to let readers in on the latest trend waiting to be embraced by the Clovelly yuppie set - the Christian celebration of LENT.


W


Yes, it’s about time Lent got the publicity it deserved. Imagine 40 days of personal sacrifice becoming 40 days of extreme competition amongst the new rich - who can survive the longest without organic, fair-trade, single origin coffee, Italian mineral water (delivered to the door, of course), hand crafted sour dough, who can resist purchasing the $89 pair of jeans for the one year old, who can put building work on hold for 40 days, and for the biggest challenge, who can do without the 4WD for a whole 40 days?


Really, why should little old Pearl give up her weekly intake of hot chips from Waverley Chicks when I’m surrounded by perverse and obscene displays of wealth, the sacrifice of which would feed, clothe and educate those of lesser means? So, let’s go for it - “Survivor-Lent 2008, Clovelly- style”...


• Say no to the Collette Dinnigan dress for the toddler. If your two year old is mature enough to de-


22 • the Beast


mand a Collette Dinnigan party dress then she is mature enough to ask that the money be sent to the Smith Family instead. Or, if helping your fellow man just isn’t trendy enough, adopt a zoo ani- mal for that warm fuzzy feeling. • Boycott overpriced kiddy t- shirts, screen-printed with images of Ghandi. Perverseness per- sonified. What next? JFK, Mother Theresa, Luther-King? Give the money to an orphanage in India and think about what an image of a self-sacrificing man is doing on a $50 kid’s t-shirt (actually, Pearl is waiting for the Anthony Mundine and Willie Mason t-shirt so I can purchase them for my niece’s sons).


• Think hard before forking out $600 for a heated dog kennel. And, think what $600 could buy for a family living on welfare benefits; it may pay their rent and food bill for the whole week. And, what’s the dog doing in a kennel anyway when it’s far cheaper to have Saxon (or whatever trendy name you have given it) warming the end of your bed.


Really, why should little old Pearl give up her weekly intake of hot chips from


Waverley Chicks when I’m surrounded by perverse and obscene displays of wealth, the sacrifice of which would feed, clothe and educate those of lesser means?


• Put that $8,000 weekend at a luxury yoga and spa resort in Byron Bay on hold. Yes, Pearl na- ively checked out a website ad- vertised in the Wentworth Courier


for a Byron Bay weekend, only to find that I’d have to fork out over $8,000 to ‘find myself’ and become a hippie for two days - how vile. Spend Lent checked in at a backpacker hostel, gorge yourself on greasy hot chips and return feeling relaxed and com- fortable with at least $7,800 left in your pocket. Or spend the $8K on taking the family to Cuba where you can buy real kiddie Che Guevara t-shirts for US $10.


Think hard before forking out $600 for a heated dog kennel. And, think what $600 could buy for a family living on welfare benefits; it may pay their rent and food bill for the whole week.


• You’ve built the 5 bedroom, 3 bathroom mansion, complete with swimming pool and ducted airconditioning. We all know you are incredibly wealthy, so no need to advertise it further with the brand new Porsche Boxster and Merc C Class (complete with baby seats and bugaboo in the boot) in the driveway.


So, forget about watching The Biggest Loser or Survivor in China - you’ve got it all happening on “The C Road” during the month of February. And, as to indulgences, it’s time for “Pearl’s bargain wine tip for the month” - Matthew Lang Brut Cuvee - a nice change from the Moet Vintage or Dom Perignon and at $7.99 a bottle (or $4.99 by the dozen) it has a fresh, lively, clean crisp finish to go with your organic, hand carved po- tato chips and ash-dusted goat’s cheese.


www.thebeast.com.au


Page 1  |  Page 2  |  Page 3  |  Page 4  |  Page 5  |  Page 6  |  Page 7  |  Page 8  |  Page 9  |  Page 10  |  Page 11  |  Page 12  |  Page 13  |  Page 14  |  Page 15  |  Page 16  |  Page 17  |  Page 18  |  Page 19  |  Page 20  |  Page 21  |  Page 22  |  Page 23  |  Page 24  |  Page 25  |  Page 26  |  Page 27  |  Page 28  |  Page 29  |  Page 30  |  Page 31  |  Page 32  |  Page 33  |  Page 34  |  Page 35  |  Page 36  |  Page 37  |  Page 38  |  Page 39  |  Page 40  |  Page 41  |  Page 42  |  Page 43  |  Page 44  |  Page 45  |  Page 46  |  Page 47  |  Page 48  |  Page 49  |  Page 50  |  Page 51  |  Page 52  |  Page 53  |  Page 54  |  Page 55  |  Page 56  |  Page 57  |  Page 58  |  Page 59  |  Page 60  |  Page 61  |  Page 62  |  Page 63  |  Page 64  |  Page 65  |  Page 66  |  Page 67  |  Page 68  |  Page 69  |  Page 70  |  Page 71  |  Page 72  |  Page 73  |  Page 74  |  Page 75  |  Page 76  |  Page 77  |  Page 78  |  Page 79  |  Page 80  |  Page 81  |  Page 82  |  Page 83  |  Page 84  |  Page 85  |  Page 86  |  Page 87  |  Page 88  |  Page 89  |  Page 90  |  Page 91  |  Page 92  |  Page 93  |  Page 94  |  Page 95  |  Page 96  |  Page 97  |  Page 98  |  Page 99  |  Page 100
Produced with Yudu - www.yudu.com