22 • Still Life with Sierra


warm quilt those first terrible days. I told Peter he had to call his parents and break the awful news


to them. “I can’t,” he said simply. So I called the Netherlands. Peter’s dad answered. Aſter a mo-


ment’s hesitation, I blurted out: “Sierra died. She drowned.” It was the first time I’d said the words. Piet said, “One moment,” and put Peter’s sister, Karin, on.


Maybe he hadn’t understood me, so I said it again to Karin, “Sierra died. She drowned.” Ten I gave the phone to Peter and leſt him to grieve with his family. When Kathy brought Scott and Jasper home that morning, I


grabbed them hungrily and held them in my arms like I was see- ing them aſter a long absence. I had to tell Scott about his sister but had no idea what to say. Luckily, I knew someone who could help: a hospice worker


who’d called the week before to suggest an article about grieving children for Tidewater Parent, the monthly magazine Peter and I had just started. How ironic that someone who devoted her life to helping people deal with death contacted me only a few days be- fore my family and I found ourselves facing our own unimaginable tragedy. I called Jude and told her I needed help. She came over right


away, wearing bright clothes and a brave smile. Scott entered the living room, where Jude and I sat waiting.


Ten I told him Sierra died. “Will she come back?” he asked, his voice quivering. “No,” I answered. “She won’t ever come back.” Scott’s face crumpled, and I held him a few moments. Sudden-


ly, he brightened and began to toss a ball back and forth with Jude. He laughed and asked, “Can I go outside and play?” Ten he was gone, and I wished I could be a child, too, and not have the terrible weight of reality to bear.


Q


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