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bake a cake. It doesn’t matter. He gets your undivided attention; he gets, for a change, to be in control. And you get to discover the inner life of your son. Do this every day. Don’t ever cancel it as a punishment. It’s for him, unconditionally. You’ll be surprised at the difference it can make in him, and you. Build up the positives. Sure, you have
standards that you want your son to reach, but he’ll only get there if you can encourage him with plenty of praise and positives. Let him know how proud you are of him — not for scoring the goal in the game — but for who he is. Counteract your own father, perhaps, and focus on what your son did well on his report card first, then talk about problems. Anytime he shows the seeds of being a good man — being considerate, responsible, proactive, compassionate — let him know. Without your feedback, his efforts are likely to sink under the radar and be lost.
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Let him know how proud you are of him — not for scoring the goal in the game — but for who he is.
Teach guy stuff. A few years ago I gave
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my son a spare shaving brush, along with a demonstration on how to use it. It was a nice opportunity for male bonding, but really no big deal. And yet it was. He was thrilled with this second-hand gift. He talked it up to his friends, went home and demonstrated it to his own son. He uses it every day. It reminded me, once again, that you never know what’s going to make an impact. In the era of Google and YouTube, you
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can learn almost anything on your own. But the real important learning comes from what is passed down from father to son. You’re his entré to the Man World. Teach your son about your passions: cars, clothes or the zone defense. Show him how to tie a tie, educate him about relationships with women and help him understand the focus and value of work. Not everything you say will stick. He may have no interest in cars; soccer, not basketball, may be his thing. But that’s not the point. The point is the relationship itself, taking the time and responsibility for shaping him. You have the opportunity to be his greatest teacher. Don’t blow the chance
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