inspiration parenting Dentistry for Overall Health logo - 4c.pdf 03/09/09 01:59:47 pm
Yesterday, Today & Tomorrow...
G O
T E A M !
C M Y CM MY CY CMY K Understand your own father to better
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understand yourself. Just as you want your sons to see the complexity that is you, it’s helpful for you to move beyond the one- dimensional view of your father that you probably walked out of your childhood with. Updating your view of him can help you change your view of yourself, and reduce your fear of making his mistakes. So go beyond “How’s work?”, “How’s the car?”, “How’s the weather?” talk, and ask your father about his past struggles, present fears and his life-long passions. Shake up your old assumptions and discover what made him tick. And, if he has moved out of your life,
or passed away, spend some time reflecting. Help recover and heal your past by writing him a letter saying whatever you wished to say before he died but couldn’t. And then write a letter back, from him to you, saying what you wished he would have said. Though emotionally challenging, this process can help heal old wounds, and allow you to move on to be a father of your own making. Help your son understand the man
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cave. As Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus pointed out to generations of newly married couples: Men and women tend to approach problems differently. Women process and ultimately make sense of emotions and problems by talking them through. Men go into their cave and, well, mull, for what can seem like a long time. They work out the problem in their heads and eventually come out of an issue with the punch line — “I want to do this,” “We need to do that.” — often skipping the backstory, much to the frustration of their partners. If you tend to be this type of guy, be
sensitive to the fact that your son may not understand what you are doing. He can take your mulling and withdrawal personally,
up splitting the jobs, rather than both filling both roles. Don’t. If you’re always (and only) the drill sergeant, your sons wind up seeing you as only that — tough, rigid, intimidating. In your mind, you’re doing what you’re doing because you care and are worried. What they see is a guy who is always on their back, always nitpicking, always on edge. It’s this impression that will be imprinted on them, and which they are likely to pass along to their own sons. Give your sons more than a one-dimensional view of you and fatherhood. Do it all — nurture and be tough when you need to — and help your partner to do the same.
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