By: Liletta Thompson
What if you told someone you didn’t want to talk to them, they got mad and then sent you 758 calls and texts within 24 hours? Would you think something was wrong? Or, what if someone paid 4 of his friends to help him text someone while he was asleep or at work? Does that sound strange? Before you shake your head in disbelief-these are two real life examples of what happens to nearly 1 in four young women between the ages of 14 and 21 ac- cording to one recent survey by the Associ- ated Press. This type of behavior has been labeled Teen Dating Violence, or Intimate partner abuse!
In 2005, hours before she was killed Kristen texted her boyfriend: “You are be- ing ridiculous. Why can’t I do something with my friends.” Her father later found
and heard about other texts, including one that her boyfriend had asked Kristen why she had gone to her class rather than spend time with him. She was killed by her boy- friend three weeks after graduating from St. Joseph’s University in Philadelphia, PA. Text messaging is just one convenient way that someone can control, manipulate, and threaten another in a relationship. But what are some of the other signs? Some signs are intense jealousy, excessive text messaging or calling, monitoring calls or e-mails, frequently showing up unan- nounced, telling the other person what to do or wear, publicly embarrassing your partner, frequent accusations of "cheating" or flirting, keeping your partner from doing things they enjoy, and threats of suicide or self-injury in the event of a breakup.
• To always be treated with respect – your partner should see you as an equal. • To be in a healthy relationship – one that is not controlling, manipulative, or jealous. A healthy rela- tionship involves honesty, trust, and communication. • To not be hurt physically or emotionally – you should feel safe in the relationship at all times. • To live abuse-free – abuse is NEVER deserved and is NEVER your fault. Conflicts should be resolved calmly and rationally. • To refuse affection at anytime – A healthy relation- ship means both parties agree on sexual decisions. • To say no to sex – Even if you have had sex before, you have the right to refuse sex for any reason. • To have friends and activities apart from your boyfriend or girlfriend – Spending time by yourself, with male or female friends, or with family is normal and healthy. • To end a relationship – You should not be harassed, threatened, or made to feel guilty for ending an unhealthy or healthy relationship. You have the right to end a relationship for any reason you choose.
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Talk to a friend. If you haven’t already told a
friend about what’s happening in your relationship, try it. Ask them to listen without trying to solve the problem for you. •
Consider talking to an adult. If you feel your situation is too big to handle alone, it may help to find an adult you trust. If it isn’t a parent – try a teacher, the parent of a friend, or even a counselor. •
Try taking a break. If you’re not happy with the way you’re being treated, but you’re not sure what to do, consider taking some time alone to think about it. •
If you don’t feel safe, try to not be alone with your boyfriend/girlfriend. Even if you’re not ready to make any major decisions about your relationship, if you feel scared when you’re alone together, try to avoid it. Spend time in groups and in public as much as possible.
Even if you’ve decided your relationship is abusive or unhealthy, that doesn’t mean ending it will be easy. For more information on breaking up check out
http://www.loveisrespect.org/get-help/breaking-up/
Remember you should NOT be afraid in your relationship, or feel like you don’t have the freedom to be yourself. If you are a teen or young adult experiencing any of the symptoms described please contact National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline at 1-866- 331-9474 (1-866-331-8453 TTY) or chat online from 4pm – 2am CST You can also contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE!
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