BROUGHT TO YOU BY KOSMIC KENNY
‘Try not to stare at Saturn’s ring… It’s not polite’
LEOJul 24 - Aug 23 In this world of technology, it’s easy for your personal information to be distributed on a large scale. Keep an eye on your phone this month, otherwise you could fall victim to Facebook rape, with those pics of you testing out the garden hose becoming public property. Lucky day: August 27th
VIRGOAug 24 - Sep 23 All work and no play makes Virgo a horny beast. Take some time to ‘reconnect’ with yourself or you’re likely to jump into bed with the first heifer to wander into view. Beware of biters this month Lucky day: August 20th
LIBRA Sep 24 - Oct 23 It seems there’s something in the waters for typical Librans this month… it’s thrush. You should have known that the last random you went home with was gonna be trouble when you saw they had pant-stains like a chicken korma. Shame on you. Lucky day: August 30th
SCORPIOOct 24 - Nov 22 Mercury is being a temperamental little bitch to your star sign this month, so be aware that any attempt you make to pull the opposite sex will end in either a situation where you’re left with a wet stain on your trousers, or a court order. Lucky day: August 14th
SAGITTARIUSNov 23 - Dec 22 Take a step back and look at your friends and family… if on reflection they look like the waiting room of the Jeremy Kyle show, it’s time to leave the city. Head for Milton Keynes – the land of opportunity will show all the answers at the bottom of a brown glass bottle. Lucky day: August 2nd
CAPRICORN Dec 22 - Jan 20 10 / August 2010 /
outlineonline.co.uk
Capricorn – you say ‘yes’ to too much, and ‘no’ to too little. The yes’ tend to involve calories, MSG and a Scottish approach to cooking – deep frying everything. If you’re interested in catching a glimpse of your genitals any time soon, jump up, jump up fatty. Lucky day: August 25th
AQUARIUSJan 21 - Feb 19 There’s nothing that drops your standards and your pants quicker than alcohol. You may convince yourself that you don’t want anything serious, but that’s only because no-one’s offering to take you home to meet their Mum in the morning. If last night’s conquest is merely a wrinkle in your sheets now, it may be time to bin the bottle. Lucky day: August 15th
PISCES Feb 20 - Mar 20 It’s time for a transformation, Pisces. Pluto is messing with Uranus and it’s more than a little uncomfortable. Your face resembles a butt and it’s time to visit one of those perma- tanned freakish cosmetic clowns in the department stores. They won’t make you look any better, but at least a job in the circus would be on the cards for you. Lucky day: August 19th
ARIES Mar 21 - Apr 20 Creative thinking and problem solving are key features for you this month. The problem needing solving is that the hot girl down the road
won’t give your sorry ass a second glance and the creative thinking should come in the way of you cutting and sticking some persuasive little letters from a newspaper onto a ‘love letter’. Lucky day: August 9th
TAURUS Apr 21 - May 21 Time is a healer. In some circumstances. However, turning up at a reunion of your old office mates may test the boundaries a little as you were strip searched on the last day and they still haven’t got the stain out of the photocopier. Lucky day: August 3rd
GEMINIMay 22 - Jun 22 Your partner’s younger sister is coming to stay. This is an opportunity to show your partner how welcoming you are to her family. And nothing says “welcome” like standing with your kecks down, peanut butter and spatula in hand. Lucky day: August 12th
CANCER Jun 23 - Jul 23 Job interviews are going to be a struggle for you this month if you keep telling the truth about your ‘alternative lifestyle’. If they ask you whether you have any experience in the ‘field’, don’t tell them you tripped out at Glasto and wandered into the nextdoor farm, rubbing up a cow that you developed affections for. Lucky day: August 1st
Page 1 |
Page 2 |
Page 3 |
Page 4 |
Page 5 |
Page 6 |
Page 7 |
Page 8 |
Page 9 |
Page 10 |
Page 11 |
Page 12 |
Page 13 |
Page 14 |
Page 15 |
Page 16 |
Page 17 |
Page 18 |
Page 19 |
Page 20 |
Page 21 |
Page 22 |
Page 23 |
Page 24 |
Page 25 |
Page 26 |
Page 27 |
Page 28 |
Page 29 |
Page 30 |
Page 31 |
Page 32 |
Page 33 |
Page 34 |
Page 35 |
Page 36 |
Page 37 |
Page 38 |
Page 39 |
Page 40 |
Page 41 |
Page 42 |
Page 43 |
Page 44 |
Page 45 |
Page 46 |
Page 47 |
Page 48 |
Page 49 |
Page 50 |
Page 51 |
Page 52 |
Page 53 |
Page 54 |
Page 55 |
Page 56 |
Page 57 |
Page 58 |
Page 59 |
Page 60 |
Page 61 |
Page 62 |
Page 63 |
Page 64