RESOURCES horoscopesby vera divine
seem like an afterthought. Diane Keaton learned this little tidbit in the ‘70s.
CANCER
June 22 – July 23 My poor little crabby-cakes. You’ve been run ragged this past month, haven’t you? Well, after many weeks of being pulled, prodded and pres- sured in every direction, July will finally present you with a lovely oasis of your own to relax with friends—or that hot new dish you’ve been talking to. Believe me, all those “good feelings” you’ve been having about this person are definitely worth further study! And the best part is, you won’t feel the need to sabotage it with any of those pesky “what-ifs.” This mini-vacation will feel as natural as Pamela Anderson’s love affair with Courtney Love—only with more relaxation and half the vaccines needed.
LEO July 24 – August 23 Movin’ on up, are we? I know it was hard for you to
make much progress last month. Relations were bad, your hair was uncooperative and getting a “straight” answer out of anybody was like pulling teeth! But now that the smoke has cleared, you’ll be able to roar to your heart’s content—and with great results! Jonathan Rhys-Meyers proved he was king of the medieval jungle by flexing some bod and bringing sexy back to Henry VIII’s royal court.
VIRGO August 24 – September 23 At your best, my virginal one, you manage to gracefully
rise above the little details in life to consider the full wide- angle panoramic view. It’s a quality we could all benefit from learning. But with you as a teacher, it’s sure to be one heck of a lesson. Just be wary of who’s watching you do what. As much as we love Lily Tomlin, no one was as surprised as we were to see her tearing her director a new one on the set of I Heart Huckabees!
LIBRA September 24 – October 23 Looks like Libra lacks the luck on this lunar lull. I’m
not trying to scare you, but I am hoping to guide you through a tentatively tricky thicket. I swear I’ll stop the tongue twisters as soon as you promise me something! Be careful what you agree to this month. Read between the lines, ask point-blank questions and by all means reserve the right to refuse servicing anyone! You may think you can handle your duties, but with Pride coming up, you know there will be unexpected objects popping up everywhere! Busy girl Gwyneth Paltrow is already in high demand with rumors that she’ll be in M. Night Shyamalan’s newest venture. Be careful, girl! You know
82 RAGE monthly | JULY 2010 there’s no telling how those movies will turn out!
SCORPIO October 24 – November 22 As the month begins, it’s natural for you to remind
yourself how important it is to “follow the rules,” so to speak. But for a wild child like you, that may be too much to ask…even if it’s only for a few days of the month. Con- forming to society’s monotone ways isn’t what got you this far. You’re quirky and you follow your own beat—and that’s something to be admired. Take Winona Ryder. She popularized the goth look in the ‘80s, broke Johnny Depp’s heart in the ‘90s and has since broken more than her share of laws since then! And still, she’s endearing enough to an unfaithful temptress in Ron Howard’s upcoming film, Cheaters.
SAGITTARIUS November 23 – December 22 Though the month starts out with a full moon, Sagit-
tarius, there’s no need for all that howling and yelping you do from your balcony! Oh, you can’t help it. You’ve been called a weirdo, a wacko, an artist…I just think you’re eccentrically cute! Around July 7, you’ll be able to concentrate on a great project with a partner! Just don’t get too many hearts tangled up in your wonderful web like that saggy Sagittarian, Woody Allen!
CAPRICORN December 23 – January 20 Depending on your mindset, happy Cappy, July could
go down in your history books as the happiest chapter! All across the board, you’ll be glowing and everything will inexplicably be clicking. Don’t start second-guessing yourself now! This is for real! Remember that your attitude on things means everything. It can make the sweetest success sour. It can make the foulest letdown
ARIES March 21 – April 20 Hello, my head-butting honey. June gloom may be
over, but will mark a radical departure from May in that it seems you may still be down in the dumps. What gives? This could be a far more productive month with a faster pace than you think. Aries is an action sign! So make like David Hyde Pierce and break out of that closet already! You may not have the audience you desire when you do it, but you will have finally ridden yourself of the terrible burden of being mislabeled!
TAURUS April 21 – May 21 Though it may not seem like it yet, you’re beginning
July in the best possible shape. A new situation has per- haps taken you by surprise. But don’t sweat it. You’ll learn to handle yourself eventually, For now, think about what is deeply important to you and take courageous steps to make your dream a reality. No matter what doubts you give yourself, it’s a brave thing you’re doing, so stick with it! Rarely have you had such universal outside support behind you! Take advantage of the situation just like Jay Leno did so long ago!
GEMINI May 22 – June 21 Why so conflicted, Gemini? Oh, that’s right. I forgot who
I was talking to! But still, this is something that you really need to let go. There are some things that don’t need your two cents. These things will iron themselves out with or without your obsessing, so start paying attention to things you can actually affect, like volunteering at Pride or lobbying to repeal Prop. 8! …or getting your fellow Gemini, Mark Wahlberg, to call me again! You’ve got to start thinking about others, people!
AQUARIUS January 21 – February 19 Ever notice how time isn’t exactly linear? One week
can drag on forever and another can seemingly pass by in mere hours! Well, now is one of those times when you’ll find extra pockets of time to fill. Need a few hours to breeze by the gym? You got it! Wish you could take a 48- hour trip to WeHo? Now you can! But whatever you do, do NOT waste this opportunity in front of the boob-tube…or even YouTube, for that matter! Jennifer Aniston may look like no time has passed since her Rachel days, but that’s because she knows the importance of filling her time with positivity!
PISCES February 20 – March 20 You’ve been through so much recently that by now
you must feel like a used mop! Of course your looks have held up well! But surely you must feel that you’re getting stronger and more independent with each trial. Soon, you’ll be able to handle any role that life throws at you! Michael Caine wasn’t always such an A-lister on this side of the pond, you know! A gay role here, a parody there, and voila! He’s Christian Bale’s butler!
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