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I ♥ TELEVISION Gay in that Way BY WM.™ STEVEN HUMPHREY Look, let’s get one thing clear: regu- 541-385-8080 L o c locally grown mortgages
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larly watching Glee does not make me gay. Reading Men’s Health magazine makes me gay. Thinking up increasingly convoluted high-fives to give my softball teammates makes me gay. Cut off jean shorts—makes me gay. Spending waaay too much time de- tailing my car? Makes me gay. In fact there are tons of “straight guy” stuff I do every day that makes me flaming gay. (However, squealing like a girl when I heard Liza Minnelli doing a cover of Beyoncé’s “Single Ladies”—that makes me a very differ- ent kind of gay.) My point is that it really doesn’t matter how many women or men I’ve pleased sexually (87 and 42, though that’s a conservative count). While Glee may, in fact, be the gayest show on televi- sion—gayer than RuPaul riding a rain- bow unicorn at the annual Gaytown Gay Rodeo—it’s a show that celebrates every- one: gays, straights, minorities, majorities, nice people, and a-holes. Though I’m pretty sure it hasn’t celebrated gay monkeys yet. They should get on that. Anyhoo, I think everybody should
what does local mean to you?
Everybody’s take on local is different.
But ask Diana Becerril, Rod Martino or Sean Brennan — experienced mortgage bankers known for treating their customers like old friends and neighbors— and you’ll get a slightly more down-to-earth perspective.
To them, local means matching a mortgage loan program to your specifi c needs while providing guidance and impeccable service.
Stop by their mortgage offi ce anytime at 400 SW Bluff Drive in Bend, OR or call and make an appointment at any of our Central Oregon locations to talk with them about getting your very own locally grown mortgage.
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watch Glee (especially the season finale on Tuesday, June 8, at 9 pm on Fox) and not only because it’s one of the most heart- felt, hilarious, and entertaining shows on TV. Everybody should also watch it because it can also be excruciatingly TERRIBLE. Example: Kristin Chenoweth and Matthew Morrison’s recent cover of Barbra Streisand’s “One Less Bell to Answer/A House Is Not a Home” was a gorgeous, show-stopping number that puts anything currently on Broadway to shame. In contrast, Morrison’s white-boy hiphop version of Young MC’s “Bust a Move” made me want to scrape the ears off my head with one end of a claw hammer, and bash my brains out with the other. HOWEVER! That’s also why I love this show: Glee takes enormous risks, putting everything on the
6:00 ABC NBA FINALS It’s game one of the NBA finals, where the Minnesota “ZZZZZZs” take on the New Jersey “Snores.”
9:00 USA BURN NOTICE Season pre- miere! Michael must protect a lawyer who’s targeted by a burly, hairy biker gang. That sounds gay, too!
11:59 HBO NEISTAT BROTHERS Debut! A filmmaking brother duo travel the country making home movies (that might actually be worth suffering through).
Sean Brennan Residential Loan Offi cer
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9:00 SYFY PRINCESS OF MARS—Movie (2009) Antonio Sabato Jr. and ex-porn queen Traci Lords get nasty in zero gravity in this unfaithful adaptation of the Edgar Rice Burroughs classic.
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9:00 MTV 2010 MTV MOVIE AWARDS Can Kanye please interrupt James Cameron’s acceptance speech?
10:00 AMC BREAKING BAD Jesse’s at- tempts to brew his own meth take a disas- trous turn. UNSURPRISE!
line with every episode. And unlike practi- cally every other show on TV, there’s the undeniable feeling that Glee actually gives a crap about what they do and say. And even better? They always touch on sensi- tive issues with humor—without getting up on their high horse. (Unless the horse is a rainbow unicorn, of course.) That being said, watch Glee! And if you
have time, watch these other shows as well, which are gay in their own beautiful ways. Scripps National Spelling Bee (ABC,
Fri June 4, 8 pm). Sure, it’s not the Super Bowl—it’s something that actually matters. For these nerds, this is their one shot at get- ting laid (at least by other nerds). The Making of the Wizarding World
of Harry Potter (NBC, Sun June 6, 7 pm). Behind the scenes at the new Harry Potter amusement park, where no one will ever get laid. Gay or straight. Kathy Griffin Does the Bible Belt
(Bravo, Tues June 8, 10 pm). In this spe- cial, Kathy brings her caustic, gay-friendly humor to the hillbilly belt—where they’re more likely to make love to a hog rather than someone of their own gender. Through the Wormhole with Morgan
Freeman (Science, Wed June 9, 10 pm). And that, my friends, is perhaps the gayest name for a show you’ll ever hear. 87 and 42 and counting! steve@portland-
8:00 NBC LAST COMIC STANDING Season premiere! The return of the most an- noying show since America’s Next Great Mime and Hipster.
10:00 NBC PERSONS UNKNOWN Debut! A group of people are kidnapped by a psycho who’s planning his own deadly reality show!
8:00 FOX HELL’S KITCHEN Chef Ramsay gives the contestants an “egg challenge” (where they must avoid getting hit by eggs, I presume).
9:00 FOX GLEE Season finale! The Gleetards take on their greatest rivals at re- gionals. It’s a “gay-off,” guys!!
9:00 VH1 YOU’RE CUT OFF! Debut! Millionaires cut off all monetary help to their pampered princesses. Meanwhile, we laugh, and laugh, and laugh.
10:00 SCIENCE THROUGH THE
WORMHOLE WITH MORGAN FREEMAN Gay!
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