JUNE 3, 2010 / THE SOURCE WEEKLY / 15 Ask a
Schnauzer Thoughtful responses from a dog who cares
How does one desensitize a dog to lightning? We’ve tried everything we know to
do, but are still hopeful there’s something that will help. Ruff, ruff…ruff, bark, ruff. Just kidding. I know how to write. I’m a dog, not an idiot. So you want to know why lightning scares dogs. Well, because lightning can kill you, that’s
why. It travels at about 130,000 miles per hour and heats up to 54,000 degrees Fahrenheit – thank you, Wikipedia. Why the ruff wouldn’t we be scared of it? This is like asking a human: “Why are humans so scared of massive asteroids hurtling toward earth?” Even Stephen Hawking is scared of that and he’s smarter than you. But to answer your question: how to desensitize your dog to lightning. Some say you’re supposed to rub dryer sheets on our fur because it’s the static electricity that makes us go bonkers. Does this work? I dunno, but it sure as hell keeps us from smelling like a jockstrap dipped in baby vomit, like some of us do – I’m looking at you, Rex.
My dog takes enormous poops three times a day. Is this normal? It smells awful and is a pain to clean up. What can I do to get him down to a once-a-day schedule? Jeez, I’m sorry to hear about this unfortunate problem. It’s a shame that your selfish dog
is inconveniencing you with his bowel movements. I can only imagine the hardships this places on your day-to-day life. If you can’t tell, I’m using a little dog-sarcasm here and the minute I finish writing this,
I’ll be trotting over to your house and leaving a complaint in the form of a steaming coil of protest. Here are a couple questions for you, sir: Who in the hell do you think you are? Were you not aware that dogs love to poop all the time? Have you ever heard the phrase “dog shit”? Any of this enter your mind before you decided that you wanted to keep an animal in your house? As a dog, let me tell you that pooping is great. It’s my second favorite thing to do in life, right behind sitting by the front door waiting for someone to walk through with a bag of food that I can turn into poop—and fast!.
Could you address canine lice? Most people I’ve talked to have mentioned it would be too cold for lice to live here, like fleas, but this is false! Lice? Gross. Please send me the name of your dog so I can add him or her to my “No-
Hump list.” Anyway, some people – most of them are liars and some are morons – will tell you that dogs can’t get lice. You’re right, this is false. As is the belief that dogs in Central Oregon’s cold winter climate can’t get lice. Because they can…as you know. But seriously, get me the dog’s name…my No-Hump List is updated daily.
Getting Off the Leash: After a community effort, Redmond gets a dog park
Just a few weeks ago,
some 100 people and about as many dogs gathered to celebrate on a former pasture on the outskirts of Redmond. Ground had just been broken on the Wiegand Dog Park, a roughly three- acre spread of land that will become the city’s first off-leash area. Named after the family that made a sizeable donation to the cause, the dog park offers a space not just for dogs to blow off some steam, but as one of the park’s organizers says, to learn to socialize – because that’s what you do at a park, right? “Yes, you do have a lot of open spaces in Redmond, but for the people who don’t have the means for training courses, you want to slowly assimilate your dogs (to being with other animals) and let the other dogs do the training,” says Kelly Rammey, a Redmond resident who’s been working on bringing such a park to the city for some time. The city had previously turned down requests for off-leash parks, but got on board as of
REDMOND IS GOING OFF-LEASH...FINALLY.
late, Rammey says, offering $5,000 in matching funds, in addition to the land and ongoing maintenance of the grounds. Work is still underway on the park, which given its size will require a significant amount of fencing, but Rammey says they are hoping (as are all their dogs) for a July 1 opening.
• Acupuncture • Homeopathy • Chinese & Western Herbs • Orthopedic Surgery • X-Ray • Dental Procedures
Susan Bertram, DVM 318-0090
HOLISTIC CLINIC FOR
ANIMALS
Jane Meyers counseling/hypnotherapy
40 Day Love Challenge
541-388-2929
www.janemeyers.com
K9
Issue the
Page 1 |
Page 2 |
Page 3 |
Page 4 |
Page 5 |
Page 6 |
Page 7 |
Page 8 |
Page 9 |
Page 10 |
Page 11 |
Page 12 |
Page 13 |
Page 14 |
Page 15 |
Page 16 |
Page 17 |
Page 18 |
Page 19 |
Page 20 |
Page 21 |
Page 22 |
Page 23 |
Page 24 |
Page 25 |
Page 26 |
Page 27 |
Page 28 |
Page 29 |
Page 30 |
Page 31 |
Page 32 |
Page 33 |
Page 34 |
Page 35 |
Page 36 |
Page 37 |
Page 38 |
Page 39 |
Page 40 |
Page 41 |
Page 42 |
Page 43 |
Page 44 |
Page 45 |
Page 46 |
Page 47 |
Page 48